It takes serious discipline, I'm finding, to cut myself off
from my own fantasies of setting others straight and substituting fantasies
where we all come out winners.
I am blessed with an acquaintance whose one goal in life, it
seems, is to needle me. Not returning needle for needle is a great quality, but
my ego-victory mind has a hard time actually doing that.
I was mentally setting the attack lady straight recently,
and I couldn't quite get the knife in deep enough...I kept going back and
improving my putdown. Which did nothing positive for my mind's general state of
being…the darker my thoughts, the more attacked I felt, the more mired I
became in my own spite.
The thought occurred that the next time she needles, I can
take a minute or two to chat with her. What I suspect that I do is cop an
attitude of superior silence...I don't want to spend one more minute with her
than I absolutely have to. Who would when all that's coming is needles and
nails?
I'm reminded of the advice I once read in "Lazy Man's
Guide to Enlightenment." Something like, when all that's coming at you is
ugly, invite more ugly in. You can't get to the other side of it by hiding from
it, avoiding it, pretending it is not there.
I don't know that chatting with her will change anything
with her, but it will keep my mind focused on more pleasant things, and that is
the source of my misery...my reactive thoughts, my own attack mind.
We know we’re heading in the right direction when we're content
just trudging the road of happy destiny.
Thank you.
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