SELF-WILL DYING...GRATEFULLY

Self-will. I am reminded of the story of the man who was driving in the high Sierras far from the urban world late one September. He was taking a short cut on a road that was only open in the summer months, and his SUV broke down half way to the other end. An early snow started, quickly turned into a blizzard, and they closed the road without checking that it was clear. He was stranded. To his reasoning mind, his SUV was his safety, to get out and try walking down the mountain in a blizzard was certain death.

He was found inside that SUV in the springtime, starved and frozen, with his daily journal beside him. In it, he had written daily, begging God to save him...promising how he would change if God would show him a way out. But he never opened the door of his SUV except to get snow for his thirst. He simply would not change his mind in order to allow himself to believe that his security was not in remaining in that SUV.

He prayed but he didn't listen...he chose not to give God a doable chance. His own reasoning power apparently told him it was better to die in his known security than risk stepping out, giving up his known for the unknown...for help that might or might not be there for him. He obviously wanted to believe in God...his journaling proved that. But he could see his SUV, he could feel it around him. It was useless to save him but it was there.

Can't I just see myself in that? I remind me again: All we need do is change our mind. It all starts there. I wonder if all miracles don't start in our willingness to look at "it" from a different angle…not as a nightmare but as a gift. All the while inwardly screaming, "But I don't want it to be the gift!" And there it is. We don't want it to be the gift, but we need it to be. We need it to be whatever God wills it to be.

The first inch we take towards changing our minds begins with the thought, "This before me that looks like a nightmare? It may be grace. It may be God's gift to me."

Then we finally accept that the only way to know for sure is to rest in unknowing. We accept that we can never reason unto realization, and we take a leap of faith. Just that slight shift, called willingness, opens our mind. The prize, grace, looking like that same nightmare, rushes in and changes our awareness to: "This that looked like a nightmare is my personal pearl beyond price...and I am grateful."

Thank You.