My running thought for years was, "I just want to be free." One day I literally stopped and asked myself, "Free how? I am free...so what freedom am I seeking?"
That was the first time I realized I simply wanted to be free to be me. And I was blaming all the "out theres" for my not being (or feeling) free.
I am, and all my friends are, civilized...or close enough. I accepted that I have never had a desire to prove my freedom by lying, cheating, stealing, murdering...although I have done one or two of those (but they were so small they didn't count, of course).
So what does "free to be me" mean within me...to my own self?
I came to a still-growing realization that "free to be me" means I am free to care...and say so. I am free to love...and say so. I am free to lend a hand...and do it. I am free to give over to a friend who thinks s/he's right and I'm wrong...without thought or comment. I am free to take responsibility for hurting another's feelings even when that was the last thing on my mind...and apologize.
I am not free to speak my mind without care, without love, without apology, justifying all the while. Nor am I free to take actions that would cause another emotional pain. All that comes back and slaps us upside the head anyhow, so where's the freedom there?
Freedom, it seems to me, begins within me and is based on my concern for others. If, as I say I believe, God has my back, how could it be otherwise?
Thank You.
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