Yesterday I did what I do. I was just me being me. I got home and realized...OMG, that was really rude. I shoulda, coulda, woulda, except...and I thought of a really good excuse. I quick called my friend toward whom I was just being me...gave her my CYA excuse, we laughed, end of story.
EXCEPT...this morning I had a blinding flash of the obvious. I realized that as long as I get away with CYA excuses, I will never find self-acceptance for myself...of me just being me. For there was no malice, no manipulation in my action...I was just me being me. If I keep CYA'ing for me being me, I will ever get home and play "gotcha" with myself...I shoulda, woulda, coulda...then become the God of my own understanding by fixing me with CYAs.
I picked up my Goldsmith book of Letters from 1955-1959. As so often happens, there (at page 540) is the answer to what I'd just been pondering: "...the secret of the Sermon on the Mount [is] where we learn that although the law teaches...the indulging of human-sense -- grace is attained by refraining from the law and abiding in the spiritual Presence."
As long as I depend on my reasoning mind, on human-sense, I will never be graced with self-acceptance or anything else...I will never know God's grace in the midst of the human condition.
Thank You.
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