I came across a note I wrote in 1986 in a daily reader of mine: "'My mind connected today that I, the Christ, is Nancy who appears today to be my nemesis...the lesson is to love the nemesis...not to win out over it nor to beat it at its own game...love it...'agree with your adversary quickly' is my goal."
Here's me, 27 years later, and I remember Nancy and my situation with her at the job and that we parted friendly.
The best part, and the proof of the truth of my note: I remember her without bile...without the same anger I felt toward her 27 years ago...I haven't thought of her at all since then except maybe fleetingly...but without malice.
The rest of the story is whether and how well I carry that over in my today life...do I realize that about the others I view as my nemesis du jour? In general, I do for which I am grateful from my toenails up...but in general isn't good enough, not going to bring real peace.
My mind goes to another person from my last job, and I immediately feel the same bile toward him that I felt when last our paths crossed. Because I have since retired, I do not see him, but when his name crosses my mind, my attack mind picks up where it left off...telling him off, setting him straight. The laugh-er is that I just had a "yes, but" thought, justifying my ten-year-old anger!
The end of the story is when I sincerely (humbly is the word) ask God's help with letting go of my anger, my self-centered justifications...for just knowing I need to let go, praying to let go is lip service for a self-determined objective. I reread my note of 1986 and the key words "my mind connected that..." not that I've decided, or I'm thinking about. It was a realization gifted me from within...not me pondering and pulling to cause it to happen.
My job is to make myself available for God's perfect work to be done with me, within me.
Thank You.
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