ENOUGH AND MORE THAN ENOUGH

When I was ten years old, my brother, who was twelve, became very ill and was admitted into Children's Hospital. After a month or so of many tests, he was found to have an incurable illness, was brought home and passed away. There was enormous debt, yet we never went hungry, we always had a roof over our head, a bed to sleep in...enough, in a word. We'd be putting on airs to call ourselves "middle class," but it never entered my mind that we'd not have...enough.

Same goes in my adult life...I have always had enough. I've never gone hungry, I've always had my bed to sleep in, I've always been able to pay my rent or mortgage, I've always had friends...I've always had enough.

Yet it is a fact that back in the day my prayers to God were always for more. I'd dress it up right pretty, but it was always, quite simply, for more...more love, more glory, more security...more.

I've been pondering this since I saw a news story recently about a youngish teacher whose job was abolished. Her job along with a boatload of others teachers' jobs. From the sounds of it, she immediately went right down the tubes. Lived on the streets, admitted, with tears in her eyes, that she went home more than once with a stranger..."lived under the bridge" in the vernacular and maybe in truth.

My heart went out to her because I know the pain of relying on the reasoning mind to fix an unfixable problem.

My interpretation of her story (based on my own experience) is that in her consciousness that job was her security, her God. If she lost the job, she lost her God...no job, no God. So that when that happened, it so demoralized her, so demolished her, that she simply slipped into hopelessness, rather than accept that the job was not the answer...rather than change her mind.

For it is in the reasoning mind's worst case scenario that the unthinkable answer is found. It is in our acceptance of our inability to think of a solution, in the utter hopeless, helpless, powerlessness of that moment that we stop trying to think and are raised into a deeper consciousness.

We go beyond reason to love, to God...and find green pastures, still waters, peace. Enough, in a word.

Thank You.