This morning I felt God calling...a breakthrough in fact. A long-ago blinding flash of the obvious revisited; namely, we already have that which we seek.
That probably fits all of us on occasion, but for me right now, it describes one knowing the words, repeating them, believing them, but wondering at off times how to do them...live them...let them walk us around without our efforts...in faith.
The answer came with the realization that my private...hostile...thoughts seem to have a life of their own. My walking-around life shows well...looking good!, sounding great!, feeling fine! Then at any off minute, usually say at 3:00 A.M., I See Me can take charge at will.
This morning, however, I sensed God calling. I listened. I heard.
It is not just the fear of being wrong that can dictate my thoughts, my actions, my self-talk. It is fear of being unforgivably wrong, thus deservedly left all alone. Unwanted, plain and simple.
My root fear of blame and shame originated at age 10 and got uncovered and forgiven long ago. Today's BFO tells the need for continuing self-inventory, spiritual forgiveness...the daily practice of spiritual principles in short.
My Fellowship, my mentor and friends, spiritual growth, and who's kidding whom, age, have come to my aid.
I have learned how to consciously welcome those hostile thoughts...I hug them and I kiss them and I let them go...on God's timetable. With self holding the timeclock, and God guiding self.
Thank you.
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