TO GUARD OR TO GRIN...WHAT'S THE QUESTION?

Getting stuck in the past is like guarding a cemetery. -- Anonymous

Today, August 31, feels like the last day of Summer...to me, the harbinger of Fall's sense of melancholy. It's not sadness, but,,,well, getting fancy, it's like an elegant downer. 

There is an apt saying, the older we get the faster time goes, but wowzers!...reaching 80 years of age removes all speed bumps. We hit 90 mph doing 100 on the curves!

Looking back over this summer, there are more political happenings we'd rather forget than ponder. Hey! There's the sliver of gold in being 80, not to mention 80+...forgetting becomes our Big Easy.

All we need do is find that sliver of gold and hang on to it...that's God's hidey hole, all is already well.

We can "guard the cemetery" or we can "love and laugh"...what's the question?

Thank you

EVERYTHING BELONGS...INCLUDING FEAR

The transformative process of spiritual maturity: we grow spiritually by passing beyond some perfect Order, through an often painful and seemingly unnecessary Disorder to an enlightened Reorder or “resurrection.” This is the “pattern that connects” and solidifies our relationship with everything around us. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, August 25, 2024 

Gratefully, we have learned the truth in the old adage, what we resist, persists, which truth opened us to understanding that nothing turns us to God faster than fear. That understanding took the dread out of fear but there is no fear-free in today's world...according to me. We no longer resist fear, but we get to go to God...more peaced than not.

Ah, and there it is, the taproot of peace: That which we fear the most is our blessing in disguise...thank you. 

My walking-around world today looks as if my worst fear has come true. To all outward appearances, I stand alone now.  No close-by friends...they've all either moved "Back Home Again in Indiana" or Up Home in Heaven, not to mention my human "protector" here at the condo who is closing in on disability retirement.  

Wonder of wonders! 

It is for this I began and continue my still more spiritual growth. I know and I know I know that this is the hidden pearl...looks like an old grey stone, apparently useless, but this is crash and burn territory, i.e., sacred. This is where my consciousness is raised up to whisper to my Soul, I'm home. 

My reasoning self questions not, a miracle on its own...my higher self is peaced. 

There will be more less-than happenings in my life, but in God's care, I can, do and will continue to live in an attitude of gratitude (the majority of the time). 

Thank you.

I BELIEVE, HELP ME MY UNBELIEF

 ..... [O]nly contemplative prayer or meditation invades, touches, and heals the unconscious! This is where all the woundedness lies—but also where God hides and reveals, 'in that secret place.'  -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, July 25, 2024

It seems to me that my faith is based in unknowing. I read the words, believe them, want to live them...all that is mine. Yet, here's me with the feeling of unsatisfied, something ain't right, there is more that I am not connected to. And yet...and yet...there are too many people with whom I have a shared belief, identify with, for me to truly doubt my own belief.

My questioning heart seeks still: Why can't I feel God in my heart, my soul, my body and my brain where I believe I believe God lives. How can I honestly believe it if I do not feel it? It is a truth that feelings are not facts, but does that allow not feeling to be acceptable fact? Sheez. 

My best friend, taking myself too seriously, is clearly alive and well and making itself heard. That, too, is of God. It is a fact that most of my accepted beliefs were born in doubt, distrust, and self-pity...and they stand me in good stead today. Thank you!

I hope...I intend...to keep on questioning, seeking, changing my mind, and praying thank you every inch of the way...with God's will, God's way my forever goal.

I believe, help me my unbelief. - Mark 9:24

Thank you.

MORE WILL BE REVEALED

I rarely if ever read past pages of my journal, but today it seemed to open itself to me. I was regifted twice, the first from 7/31/24:  Remember this: There are always two worlds. The world as it operates is power; the world as it should be is love; and the second from 8/4/24: Blinding flash of the obvious. unselfed love - thank you.

My life experience since I turned 80 is...or feels like...a 180 degree turn around from my life for my first 70 years. 

My life today is an almost touchable experience of my world as it should be...love but love as we cannot imagine, cannot project. Nothing on the power level looks (or feels) right, i.e., for my benefit. Yet I am steadied without thought or me-prayer. I am stilled...I feel fulfilled.

There...that is unselfed love.

Without a thought or a prayer for.... Period. 

And that is all.

Oh, a note for myself:  The power (or material) world is ever with us. Late yesterday I experienced some unusual physical pains and pangs which led me to suspect I have been gifted with covid which to date I have managed to avoid...I'm not certain but I "have a feeling." I have an appointment at the Minute Clinic for a morning test. More will be revealed.

Thank you.

CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE PRESENCE

 When Jesus prayed, he was conscious that, in his prayer, he met the Presence, and this consciousness was far more important and significant than the answering of his prayer. -- Fr Richard's Daily Meditation, August 16, 2024

There...that saved quote was in the middle of a much longer quote and was all but a throwaway line in the original text. I kept the longer quote knowing it had a hidden message that I couldn't quite hear yet. 

When I read it yet again this morning, I heard...not the pearl beyond price, not the answer to end all questioning...just the simple affirmation of what I had long ago been given...that the importance is not in the words but in the consciousness they impart to the ready. 

It is our job, our privilege, to keep coming back to the whisper. It will be heard...we know not when for we are but building our trust, our faith, in the unknown Word. 

This morning what I heard was so simple that I grinned at me trying to make it a tish headier. No...it is plain and simple and perfect:  

When we pray, be conscious that in our prayer we meet the Presence, and this consciousness is far more important and significant than the answering of our prayer.

Thank you. 

GOD'S PERFECT NEED: OUR LOVE AND LAUGHTER

Expanding on my recent flash that our problem is never the named thing; it is fear of the named thing: My named thing was never panic attacks, it was never left all alone, it was never dementia...it was and is fear. Fear of each of those and every other "thing" that we mentally, physically and spiritually resist. 

When the thought nothing turns me to God faster than fear awakened in my consciousness, I was freed of fear of fear. 

It has slowly dawned, however, that freed I may be, but remembering my freedom is a whole 'nother thing. Fear of fear hangs in to be used as the horns that dig into my head and heart to keep me headed in the right direction.  I can now...sometimes still with shaking hands and trembling lips...welcome fear to "come sit down beside me, and know you, too, are loved." 

I am fully aware, or close enough, that it is not my reasoning mind that is able to welcome fear, it is the God of my own understanding. I have no control, I want none...but I still kinda hanker for knowledge beforehand. 

It takes a fairly constant reminder from me to me that knowledge beforehand is faith, plain and simple. We already have all the faith there is, but we must live it for that truth to come alive in us.

We are not meant to live that faith 24/7/365 for which we can kick up our heels and shout hallelujah! Why else is God on the field? 

God has our back, needs no brainpower from us...just love and laughter, and that is all.

Thank you. 

MY GIFT ON AUGUST 24, 2024

Blinding flash of the obvious: Know this: Our problem is never the named thing; it is fear of the named thing.

Thank you.

ON COMING TO BELIEVE

The following is from Fr Richard's Daily Meditation today, August 24, 2024:

Wylie-Kellermann offers these words of wisdom:

Dear friends,
Ask the hard questions.
Give thanks for uncertainty.
Trust yourself.
Lean into the wisdom of community.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Know that the arc is long.
Lean on the ancestors.
Ask the creatures for advice.
Follow the wind.
Know that there is no right way.
Trust others on their path.
Find yours.
Embrace the mess.
Give your life to a
holy, undeniable “Yes!”
Whatever that yes may be.
And know, that this “had to happen.”
How lucky we are to be alive!

Thank you.

THE NATURAL PROCESS OF AGING...OF GOD

Elders are a people of the future....My culture does not honor the ancestors as a quaint spirituality of the past, but as a living source of strength for the present. -- Choctaw elder and bishop Steven Charleston, Daily Meditation, August 23, 2024 

Like most of my same-age friends, I forget a lot, old folks' lot in life. My blinding flash of the obvious this morning is that I am, as many of us are, experiencing the natural process of aging... forgetfulness, plain and simple. 

That was once known as old-age forgetfulness, but it has a higher-class moniker now; namely, dementia, incurable and progressive. It seems to be edging toward epidemic level what with so many of the elderly being diagnosed with it now. 

In my opinion, the diagnosis of dementia has been introduced into our lives by Big Pharma and the medical profession primarily for their benefit...first, profit...money, honey...then honors, medical and professional (money, honey), and I repeat in my opinion.  

I have one incurable, progressive disease...it became my BFF when I made a decision to turn me over to the care of the God of my understanding and to live there. I have lived happy, joyous and free with that incurable disease the majority of the time from that day, August 24, 1971. I have lived there along with the normal trials and traumas that daily life brings...lived there by the grace of God and the love of friends and fellowship.

We can never be sure as to what tomorrow may bring so I cannot know today if my BFO will prove out.  However, I do believe living in the consciousness of the care of the God of my own understanding will do me personally better than any new and different drug peddled by Big Pharma. 

I choose God's will, God's way...the counterintuitive nature of still more spiritual growth whose only side effects are happy, joyous and free along with love and laughter.

Our eternal grandparents are watching over us, all those who have gone before. .... When times get hard, sit quietly and open your spirit to the eternal grandparents, who are still a part of your spiritual world. Receive their blessing, for their light will lead you home. -- Ibid.

Thank you.

WE ARE OUR DESIRE TO DO GOD'S WILL

Remember, always remember, that the heartfelt desire to do the will of God is, in fact, the truest will of God. At that point, God has won, the ego has lost, and our prayers have already been answered. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, July 25, 2024 

The mindbender in the above quote is the word remember...and I'm not talking about old-age forgetfulness, my new best friend, I'm referring to the fact that to remember means to do, to live, to be that heartfelt desire to do the will of God.

How often at the end of any day do we look back over the day just wrapped and feel vaguely disappointed in our totally self-centered ways. More often than not is the answer if we're being completely honest. 

Flash...that's ego doing our thinking for us...or our reasoning mind just doing its reasoning best. 

Going with the revelations concerning trusting the changes my 80s are bringing, I need to consider that a desire is the simple criteria. Face it, when haven't we had an overwhelming desire to do the will of God...whether we knew it or not! That may well be the unrecognized nudge that started us on the path seeking still more spiritual growth.

We need to trust our own inner growth. We need to accept that we do remember our heartfelt desire is to do the will of God even as we try to remember the next time we're at the grocers to get coffee. 

To not trust our spiritual growth is to deny its fact in our life.

Welcome always welcome the inner knowledge that we are living our heartfelt desire to do the will of God.

Thank you.

GOD'S HAND IS IN THIS...ALWAYS AND ALL WAYS, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of November 4, 2021.]

I am told, and I choose to believe trust of God manifests as trust in our own self.

It is by giving love...plain and simple, no frills, no ifs, ands, or buts...impersonal love given out is how our dealing with life moves us forward in peace...no matter how those dealings appear to us as they come marching in.

It is our original decision to trust God that we rely on...it is that decision that opens the door upon which God knocks, releasing impersonal, universal love.

Love released is the making of life going smoothly no matter the appearances. When we only give, show, know love, love is what comes back, regardless of how it looks and/or feels on its return. In today's language, It's not what happens to us, it's how we react to it...in the Now, how we respond to it.

The material mind is not built to recognize spiritual love, and life's dealings are filtered through our material mind. Thus the need for a spiritual base. Still more spiritual growth having become our go-to, our inner knowing reminds us God's hand is in this.

As our faith grows and deepens, we rely on those five words, God's hand is in this. We pray our thank you...then we can rest in love.

Thank you.

THE ROCK WE STAND ON

Blinding flash of the obvious revisited: Never doubt that our thank you is the kingdom of heaven and for the benefit of our enemies' peace, security and prosperity which, of course, is our peace, security and prosperity. 

There...an affirmation that spiritual understanding is counterintuitive. Commonsense is good, helpful and often true, but its well-hidden value is akin to a backseat driver. It whispers a possible path toward our inner sanctum, then leaves us undecided, wondering...was that odd or was that God? 

We neither ignore nor deride commonsense...it's our pony to ride in the dailies of life. I don't doubt that is why we were given commonsense...to simplify making a decision is one good reason. Go for a walk with a storm brewing? Sans commonsense, we're just as likely to chance it as not...then rue our rotten luck when we get scared silly by a nearby lighting strike...not to mention soaked to the skin.

Our inner sanctum, though, is our sliver of gold...our go-to that has little to do with our reasoning mind. We come to believe, and it is most often by looking back that we can come to believe, that we are protected from the vicissitudes of our own best thinking.

That protection invariably arrives looking like another Oh, no! It rarely, if ever, is the best that we had in mind, yet further proof that we cannot second guess God. What we get is what God gifts us...even as our fear is doubting the goodness of God.

Our gratitude is for our realization that nothing turns us to God faster than fear. We get on the other side of our fear of the Oh, no! by walking through it, and we find the sliver of gold turned to the pearl beyond price. 

My original belief that the worst thing that could ever happen to me turned out to be God's will, God's way...and the best thing that could ever happen to me. That's my Rock, and I stand on it...happy, joyous and free.

Thank you.

GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY...WAIT

God is not found in the soul by adding anything, but by a process of subtraction. -- Meister Eckhart

Realization a-dawning...subtraction is sometimes another word for nonresistance. The test of our willingness to resist not is to actively wait without effort...with a tish of gratitude before the end result. 

This is the rough and rocky road to faith...to trusting a Higher Power as opposed to relying on our learned abilities. 

Learning to trust a Higher Power, we subtract our want from our will then sit and wait on the Lord. God's will, God's way makes itself known in God's good time. 

Using our life lessons, say in growing beans. we plant the seeds then water, feed, water, feed, water, feed...wait. In nature's good time, we get beans.

In short, plant beans, get beans...ah, but with God's will, we get more, better, beyond our ability to imagine...always for our benefit often when it least looks like it. 

Thank you.

THE COUNTERINTUITIVE WAY OF THE LORD

We need someone to be in solidarity with us, so we can learn what it means to be in solidarity with ourselves, and eventually with others. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, August 18, 2024

The someone we are in solidarity with naturally changes over the years. My "solid" in high school was my best friend...in college, it was my counselor. As I moved out in life and, unaware, began my spiritual journey, it was way low in my material-world life...but beyond my wildest dreams subconsciously.  

Today I trust that God has me and my foibles well in hand. Every single glitch and pitch is of God and for my benefit...especially the scary ones, the ones that say my mind is going on a walk-about, bringing yet deeper fear of being left all alone...unloved, unneeded, unwanted and unappreciated. Ah, that fear, too, needs love.

My spiritual mentor for over forty years passed on a couple of years ago...I miss him still. I am comforted by his early advice to me: Whatever is happening in our life, God knows about it...God does not need our input...follow His lead and if it turns up wrong, know that, too, is for our benefit.

Later, after I came across Meister Eckhart, I quit looking for right or wrong...when disconcerted, I just pray thank you, and that does suffice.

The times the word of God has turned up "wrong" in my life have been my greatest learning tools.  Leaning on the fact that spiritual growth is counterintuitive brings peace of mind beyond compare. If it makes common sense, it's still material world...which may be helpful, not even dead-wrong. but it adds nothing to our trusting God.

Fr Richard's words are right on target: A wise mentor leads someone to their own center and to the Center, but by circuitous paths, using their two steps backward to lead them three steps forward. It may look unproductive, but it is really the wisdom path of God. 

There...counterintuitive.

Thank you. 

GOD CALLING

This morning I felt God calling...a breakthrough in fact. A long-ago blinding flash of the obvious revisited; namely, we already have that which we seek.

That probably fits all of us on occasion, but for me right now, it describes one knowing the words, repeating them, believing them, but wondering at off times how to do them...live them...let them walk us around without our efforts...in faith.

The answer came with the realization that my private...hostile...thoughts seem to have a life of their own. My walking-around life shows well...looking good!, sounding great!, feeling fine! Then at any off minute, usually say at 3:00 A.M., I See Me can take charge at will. 

This morning, however, I sensed God calling. I listened. I heard. 

It is not just the fear of being wrong that can dictate my thoughts, my actions, my self-talk. It is fear of being unforgivably wrong, thus deservedly left all alone. Unwanted, plain and simple. 

My root fear of blame and shame originated at age 10 and got uncovered and forgiven long ago. Today's BFO tells the need for continuing self-inventory, spiritual forgiveness...the daily practice of spiritual principles in short. 

My Fellowship, my mentor and friends, spiritual growth, and who's kidding whom, age, have come to my aid. 

I have learned how to consciously welcome those hostile thoughts...I hug them and I kiss them and I let them go...on God's timetable. With self holding the timeclock, and God guiding self.

Thank you.

GOD ON THE MOVE...FROM HEAD TO SOUL

When we pray, we must become conscious that, in our prayer, we meet the Presence, and this consciousness is far more important and significant than the answering of our prayer. It is for this reason primarily that God is for us the answer to all the issues and the problems of life. -- Howard Thurman, paraphrased, Daily Meditation, August 16, 2024

Thurman's description is all about God moving from our head to our heart to our Soul. This is not an act of will, it is an act of God's Will. We have naught to do with it except to be present to the God of our own understanding.

My first remembered experience of my own God consciousness being active in my life was long ago. A friend, who was losing her eyesight, asked that I accompany her to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore for her further diagnosis and, hopefully, treatment. 

It was an hours-long process, and at some point, she mislaid her personal diary, her bible, that she carried with her. She panicked, sure it was gone forever. I knew and I knew I knew that God would not, could not let that happen. It was recovered shortly thereafter.

As I looked back, I saw that our own God consciousness is our protection. Not that it keeps the unwanted from happening, no...it uplifts our consciousness, quieting our upset, bringing peace of mind, the pearl beyond price.

Our awareness takes as long as it takes to blossom, bloom, become active. In our unknowing we are like babes in the crib, crying for we know not what...simply afraid. We are unaware that we are already There, in the arms of God...safe, secure, protected, albeit unknowing. 

We become aware, then we come to believe, and God consciousness awakens within us. Meister Eckhart's assurance, if the only prayer you say in your lifetime is 'thank you' that would suffice, proves itself. 

Thank you is the essence of God consciousness. Thank you for diamonds, thank you for dirt...thank you is the essence of God.

Thank you.

TO BE MORE LIKE GOD...LOVE, AND THAT IS ALL

Gena Rowlands in “A Woman Under the Influence” (1974): Shortly after filming, Ms. Rowlands told the publication New Times that the film was an attempt to explore 'the natural drama of a woman’s life,' including what she said were feelings of worthlessness and fears of abandonment. 

In that Washington Post article/obit of Gena Rowlands this morning, I read a line that either blew my mind or has such possibility...it's too soon to tell in toto. 

My blinding flash of the obvious:  .... "'the natural drama of a woman's life' including feelings of worthlessness and fears of abandonment".... 

Whoa!...the natural drama of a woman's life? including feelings of worthlessness and fears of abandonment? 

That is the natural drama of my life? That's not just the warped insecure feelings of the younger poor, pitiful, put-upon me? Who fought so hard, and nearly fruitlessly, to overcome those feelings? 

I mentally fall to my knees and thank God I live a turned-over life today. After the initial "OMG, I See Me" flash, I settle into seeing me and the possibilities. 

Just like my realization that fear is God's helpmate within us, i.e., nothing turns us to God faster than fear, I am opened to the feelings of worthlessness and fears of abandonment as God's helpmate for women. 

Trying to overcome them...to be more like men?...is a self-determined objective, not of God. I suspect that might be akin to cats trying to be more like dogs, or cows like goats.

If that be so, the change women need is trying to be more like God rather than like men. Trying to be more like God is to love, and that is all. There it is, the sliver of gold. 

Men could likewise benefit, but this is a woman's story...or women + God story.

Thank you.

YOU WILL NOT BE OVERCOME

[God] did not say: You will not be assailed, you will not be belabored, you will not be disquieted, but he said: You will not be overcome.  --  Julian of Norwich

For years now, I have studied the words of Julian of Norwich and Meister Eckhart and other mystics and saints, and today when I see the inner me...my origins, my centered spiritual beliefs...I feel awed...graced by doubt and by hope.

Another wonder is that I recognize the core of my first writing for my blog, nothing is original with me. I knew that, but I did not know that...I didn't even wonder at the wonder of it. Yet, here I am...in wonder of it today.

I am reminded of my early days in seeking spiritual growth and not even knowing that was the essence of my search. I knew I wanted what the first 100 members of my fellowship had...and I found that all they had to learn from was the Sermon on the Mount. Knowing less than nothing about the Sermon, I studied the King James version (not the E-Z read translations and versions of others). 

When I came to the part saying if someone slaps you upside your head, turn the other cheek...no doubt "I do not think so" was my first thought. I know I considered it too religiously radical, and I know I tossed the Sermon aside and went back to reading my Big Book...studying, underlining, highlighting, feeling good. 

Then I came to the line in my Big Book that we have ceased fighting everything and everybody. I froze. Not being entirely stupid, I inner knew that was code for turn the other cheek. 

Back I went to the Sermon. Imagine my surprise, my shock!, when I realized that all it teaches is love, pure and simple. Love the snakes in the grass and the rainbows in the sky and every single thing in between...and here's how: Resist not, and pray thank you.

I am still using the Sermon as the Word for unselfed love at which I fail often but I succeed more than I ever dreamed I could want to...close enough for me today as it continues to lead me toward still more spiritual growth.

And the promise holds: You will not be overcome.

Thank you.

JOY IN THE MORNING, AT NOON AND AT NIGHT!

And joy is also a discipline....We have to teach ourselves to look for it until our looking becomes habituated. -- Grace Ji-Sun Kim, Fr Richard's Daily Meditation, August 10, 2024

A comparative thought just came to mind...that our good feelings...joy, peace, kindness, and the like...visit us for our comfort and to share. The less-than feelings, however, visit for us to place blame...they are "caused by" someone, something out there but not us...on purpose at any rate.

That we need to teach ourselves to look for joy and its kind is to be contemplated, reviewed...loved. We need no directions for wallowing in the less-than feelings. We can't seem to stop pondering those..."obsessing over" in order to avoid the blame, plain and simple. 

I wonder how one disciplines oneself to look for joy.

Well, blinding flash! That is one of the first lessons we learn when we begin to seek still more spiritual growth; namely, find the sliver of gold in any less-than situation and focus on that alone. 

All else fades as we let the sliver of gold, a.k.a., God, walk us through the whatevers of life.

There...I have a sense of peace...or joy!...in recalling my early spiritual growth. For sure, there is a sliver of gold in everything...find that sliver and hang on to it made a home in my head, my heart, my soul. I can live in gratitude today with those words as my platform.

God is so good to us.

Thank you.

WE HOLD TO THE LITTLE YES WITHIN

I awoke this morning with a heavy sense of dread. As I wrote in my journal, "I have a sense of dread that my life has 'nothing to show for it.'"

Comes God now to my aid: That sense of dread is material mind, and you are powerless over the feeling coming, but I am here...your need is My power. 

There...that's how God comes calling...our need is his calling card. 

Our material mind/spiritual mind U-bie is exactly there. Our material mind, filled with fear, begs God to take the fear away; spiritual mind accepts fear as God's invitation to settle us. 

We are brought again to the fact that nothing turns us to God faster than fear...kiss it on the lips in gratitude as we are peaced.

I was comforted and somewhat awed when I came to my first daily reading, Fr Richard's Daily Meditation, for it spoke directly to my earlier fear-thoughts:

The soul is that part of us that has never doubted and that has always said yes to God. It’s in everyone. Even in those moments when we are filled with negativity, there’s a little yes that holds on. That’s what mystics like Julian of Norwich have become aware of and the place to which they return. They trust that infinite yes that shines within all of us. 

Thank you.

GOD KNOWS OUR NEEDS...TRUST

God knows our needs...we get to stay focused on, say, a lily of the valley, and let all be well, no matter what our lying eyes tell us…for unless we are using God’s eyes with which to see, ours are lying eyes. -- from a long-ago post of mine

When the black cloud descends, when we are feeling left all alone, when fear is riding herd in our head...we have but one need, and that is to loose all our wants and pray thank you...thank you for my everything just as it is and just as it seems to be right this very minute.

We have but one need...to trust that the God of our understanding only brings the best for us to us...our opinion of the best is what we need to upgrade. That cannot happen as long as we remain married to our idea of what is best for us. 

We go to God for God and that is all...God's will, God's way...no frills, no fancy-dress, no anchors, no barnacles. Our imagination is stripped bare, and we feel a frisson of fear that we've lost our mind. 

We find that we have lost nothing. We have gained the centered mind, also called the Christ mind, which seems too big, too scary, so we stay with centered...until we become centered. God knows...trust.

Thank you.

IN OUR SILENCE GOD DOES HIS PERFECT WORK

 I awoke this morning to a blinding flash of the obvious: Our deepest spiritual growth is unknown to our reasoning mind.

When I went into my Quiet Time this morning, my first reading was from Easwaran:  Now the name of Jesus is a concrete and powerful means of transfiguring men and women into their hidden, innermost, utmost reality. --The Invocation of the Name of Jesus

There...that is it...the secret to our not "feeling" the transference, the transformation that is promised. It is hidden from the material me, the walking around human, our world. 

But it is hidden within the walking around me, you, us.

We seek still more spiritual growth not to add on to our spiritual self but to uncover that which is already within. Again...we already have that which we seek.

I do not know how to find this. It may be that we cannot know the how of spiritual growth...we do our spiritual growth and are filled with gratitude. I sense that I must talk this not...tell no one...or, Tell No Man (from somewhere in the Bible).

In our silence God does his perfect work. 

Thank you.

REGRETS AND WOES, TOO, NEED GOD'S LOVE

'Reposing in oneself' … probably best expresses my own love of life: I repose in myself. And that part of myself, that deepest and richest part in which I repose, is what I call 'God.' -- Dutch Jewish writer Etty Hillesum

Blinding flash of the obvious: I am on the right track heading in the right direction...away from reliance on the reasoning mind toward still more spiritual awakening. 

That BFO calls me to repeat: Turning 80 is a whole new level of life...it is akin to being in kindergarten for the elderly. Doubts, dreads, fears...rues, regrets, remorses...they all live but they are met by our spiritual growth, the punch line of which is love and trust...then laugh.

All of my Quiet Time readings for the past month or so have reassured me that my early realization of spiritual growth as my true path still holds true. 

Today's God Calling and Easwaran both demand reliance on God alone. 

God Calling: ...so much retained by you, so much the less will be gained from Me.

William Law's quote in Easwaran is my quiet word: Though God is everywhere present, yet He is only present in thee in the deepest and most central part of thy soul....This depth is called the centre, the fund or bottom of the soul....Awake, then, thou that sleepest, and Christ, who from all eternity has been espoused to thy soul, shall give thee light.

I have read that quote in particular for years and only this morning have I become readied for its meaning...to me personally. 

The good and the bad news both together...I have become readied, I do believe, I doubt not, and I will experience rues, regrets and remorses again...when, not if, I am doing it right. 

Nothing turns me to God faster than fear...rues, regrets and remorses leading the way. Clearly, they, too, need God's love, and I'm their Source. How sweet it is!

Thank you.

KNOW ALL IS WELL WHEN IT DOESN'T LOOK IT

God Calling today, August 7: Practice daily saying 'All is well.' ... Say it until you believe it, know it.  

Blinding flash of the obvious:  Know all is well even as our worst fear comes true.

We will never know, never believe, 'all is well even as our worst fear comes true' until our worst fear comes true. Then, slowly, slowly...if we're doing it right...it proves to be our pearl beyond price.

This is not new news; it is, however, a clearer understanding...an ever-deepening realization...that our prayer to have our worst fear removed is answered by our acceptance of our worst fear in our life. This comes wrapped in the understanding that the worst fear in our life is God's will, God's way for us and for our benefit.

The hard, hard work of realization of that Truth is in letting go, of giving up trying to realize the truth of it. We read nothing but spiritual literature, we walk, we talk, we ponder, pray and meditate spiritual realities...all the while the reasoning mind is feeling bupkis, but the spiritual mind is growing its wings.

This is the Higher Power within us, the I that I Am, doing its perfect work. 

The reasoning mind resists, the spiritual mind exalts.

Thank you.

NOTHING IS WASTED...GOD HAS HIS USES

My recent entries on my flashbacks re the death of my friend, Jim McG, have led to new insights.

Today, I am living the lesson that the pearls we take in at any given time may not be useful until later...and we do not get to determine any part of the lesson...neither the time nor the message.  

The unselfed love I wrote about a couple days ago...wrote about as a blinding flash, i.e., brand new to me...I am learning from my God Calling notes began a full year ago...and I named it an epiphany then! 

My August 5 note from last year: '23 to hold to my epiphany of selfless love through Jim's death. My  note this morning following that '23 note: '24 now named, unselfed love...thank you. (And I did no naming...the words unselfed love came as I wrote them.)

This tic-toc is important to me...why is unknown as yet. All I know is that every morning a new piece of information is showing up in my dailies that I have read over the years. The information was of no knowable use to me until it was knowable, and the Father within controls the time and the message. 

That leads to this morning's God Calling message: Refilling with the Spirit is a need. That dwelling apart, that shutting yourself away in the very secret place of your being...away alone with Me.

There...the spiritual explanation for my recent withdrawing...that which I've tried so hard to overcome, thinking it was a leftover from the pandemic when we were all shut-ins. Being a loner, that period felt very comfortable to me, and I thought I needed to break out from that...yet again. 

I did use that alone time for spiritual work...to read, study, wirelessly share more deeply with others. Now, I see that time was part of God's plan. Proof further that nothing is wasted in God's world...the material world has a pandemic, God uses it for our good.

There...an excellent example of why I'm a believer that the God of my understanding is a favorite description of God...anyone can think we're bat-blank crazy, but nobody can take our own understanding away.

Thank you.

LOVE AND LAUGHTER...GOD'S ALWAYS GIFT

 I am being brought to a deeper consciousness of the invisible Power for good within us that is for our benefit. It seldom seems to our reasoning mind that it is for our good...from our eyebrows up, it seems to be our worst fear...lurking.

CAC teacher James Finley writes in today's Daily Meditation about the childhood trauma inflicted on him and his family by his alcoholic father. That trauma led to his finding his Father within and his spiritual growth leading to him becoming a healer. 

I felt awed as I read it...the end result of his spiritual experiences brought through fear of and pain from the harm inflicted on him and his family is akin to my spiritual experiences brought through fear...free-floating fear, my name for anxiety. 

My personal experience with anxiety began simply with a feeling...a "fear of."  Often, I knew naught of what, I just felt gutbucket fear from my toes to my nose, and my brain would quake as in terror.

For me, too, spiritual growth became my healer...I considered psychiatry and was gifted with the sound advice to give a year to God, to seek spiritual growth for a year, and if I wanted other after a year, fine. 

Spiritual growth became by standard-bearer for which I can never be grateful enough. I have visited a shrink a couple times as I moved along...never got a breakthrough but never regretted being open to the possibility.

As I often note, when I turned 80, my inner life changed...became flashbacks, insights from those flashbacks, sweet memories and mellow might-have-beens. I am learning from each and every one...learning that God lives in the love and laughter of our lives.

To find the love and laughter in our life is to defang our rues, regrets and remorses...they, too, are upgraded by love. 

Ah, the 80s...love 'em and laugh.

Thank you. 

UNSELFED LOVE...GOD'S GO-TO GIFT

Transformation is a process—and for survivors, it’s a process with its ups and downs, flashbacks, and panic attacks. But, as [a raised consciousness] confirms, it is the better way; it is God’s way. -- Theologians Grace Ji-Sun Kim and Susan Shaw, Fr Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation, August 4, 2024

Blinding flash of the obvious: unselfed love - thank you

From my journal this morning: Jim McG died August 2, 2023...as I wrote then, I feel now: Jim McG has died...I felt the love for him that I want to feel for God...unselfed. 

That came from God then and now. That is the love I seek...unselfed.

 

That is the love I have ever sought, unknowingly...the "something missing" I've prayed God to supply. This morning's blinding flash of the obvious, unselfed love - thank you, has been awaiting its own release for a year now. 

Just because we thought it, is no guarantee we got it...today I got it. Now to live it...aware. That's all. Just aware. God picks it up from there.

God is so good to me...to us. God is so good.

Thank you.

GOD IS SO GOOD FOR US

We are all forever beggars before God and the universe. We can never engineer or guide our own transformation or conversion. If we try, it will be a self-centered and well-controlled version of conversion, with most of our preferences and addictions still fully in place, but now well-disguised. -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," July 21, 2024

Everything old is new again...or has that been said before? 

I ponder Fr Richard's quote, and I know it for truth because I have thought, said, preached the same thing for years...probably thinking it was original to me. Another gift to love and laugh with. 

Today is the first anniversary of a friend's death...thinking of you, Cyn 💝. It is also the 112th year of my mother's birth...thinking of you, too, Mom 💖.

I'm also thinking of my best friend from high school...after many years we have reconnected. What a gift! We bounce our latest ache, pain and free-floating anxiety off each other...that helps us to determine if it's just a symptom of being 80+ or if we should visit the doctor. 

When we reach 80 and keep on going/growing, it is a comfort to have a friend our same age...not only to hoot and holler as we revisit fun memories but to help us check out our many new and different ailments...serious? or the 80s? Our personal fix's brand-name...panic-panacea.

Lately, a long-ago BFO is floating in my thoughts...we go to God for God and that is all. There. That's our best panic-panacea. 

God is so good for us.

Thank you.

RAISED CONSCIOUSNESS...TRUST...TRUST...TRUST

Our consciousness is raised not by a self-determined objective...we may want that, desperately and determinedly, and there is nothing wrong with that, but as Mother Teresa attested to, want will not get the job done. 

Our consciousness is raised by the grace of God alone. 

Ah, but learning to live with that as our singular desire keeps us heading in the right direction...away from self consciousness toward God consciousness.

We learn to trust the God of our own understanding by doing our footwork, starting with when...not if...wrong, promptly admit it. Trust.

Following are some lessons in consciousness being raised that my friends and I have experienced: 

First, we must try with a will or fall by the wayside...trust...let go and let God...trust...stumble, fall, get up...trust...hold our nose and take a leap of faith...Trust. Then...sit and wait on the Lord -- really, really Trust.

According to public theologian Rachel Held Evans, All we have are imperfect people in an imperfect world doing their best to produce outward signs of inward grace and stumbling all along the way. 

Thank you.

ON FINDING OUR CORE...AND LOVING IT, I

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 29, 2021, and is as true today as it was then.]

The following, by Joan Didion, is from her essay, On Keeping a Notebook, at p 126. This, more than anything I've ever read or heard, describes me and my being in my world as I live it:

"....I tell what some would call lies. 'That's simply not true,' the members of my family frequently tell me when they come up against my memory of a shared event. 'The party was not for you, the spider was not a black widow, it wasn't that way at all.' Very likely they are right, for not only have I always had trouble distinguishing between what happened and what merely might have happened, but I remain unconvinced that the distinction, for my purposes, matters. The cracked crab that I recall having for lunch the day my father came home from Detroit in 1945 must certainly be embroidery, worked into the day's pattern to lend verisimilitude; I was ten years old and would not now remember the cracked crab. The day's events did not turn on cracked crab. And yet it is precisely that fictitious crab that makes me see the afternoon all over again, a home movie run all too often, the father bearing gifts, the child weeping, an exercise in family love and guilt. Or that is what it was to me. Similarly, perhaps it never did snow that August in Vermont; perhaps there never were flurries in the night wind, and maybe no one else felt the ground hardening and summer already dead even as we pretended to bask in it, but that was how it felt to me, and it might as well have snowed, could have snowed, did snow.

"I tell what some would call lies," Didion wrote. "How it felt to me: that is getting closer to the truth...."

As I read that, from my toenails up, I felt accepted, partnered...twinned, dimdammit! And I heard my innards laughing for I could freely admit that is me...I tell how it looked, felt, was...looks, feels, is...to me.

And here's the nut as Didion wrote it: "I always had trouble distinguishing between what happened and what merely might have happened, but I remain unconvinced that the distinction, for my purposes, matters." [My emphasis added.]

It seems likely...to me at any rate...that it is our way of communicating that won Didion Pulitzers and has won me friends, each of them my Pulitzer and the pearl beyond price.

Finding our freedom within through the freedom of a like Soul proves true self-acceptance is the acceptance of Self.

Thank you.