I am experiencing a two-tiered memory based on a recent "out of the blue" forgotten event. It occurred around my brother's illness and death, his trauma and my never-acknowledged inner trauma...when he was 12 and I was 10. The event clearly defined my experience then and my choosing to hide from it until now.
I journaled about it exactly one year ago, yet recently coming across that entry, I had no memory of the event or of writing about it. I had written in my journal a separate but important fun fact that happened around that same time, and I remember it precisely. The no memory is solely around my brother's illness and death and my experience then.
Reasoning mind faced with fact and a blank memory fears dementia.
To reiterate, for my own benefit, I was led to reread my year-old journal entry, I remember everything about that which I wrote except for anything at all about my brother, his trauma and my never-acknowledged inner trauma.
In short, I was given the memory of a forgotten event that clearly defined me then and since and my choosing to hide from it until now.
I hesitate but I hope...a 4th-dimensional breakthrough?
What I am taking from my two-tiered memory...dementia? 4th dimension?...is based on a quote from Fr Richard about pilgrimage: I am walking into liminal space, with a familiar past of place and spirit left behind and a future promise of spiritual power, wedded to tangible, material things, in the distance.
Or, my words: In this pilgrimage I seem to be walking, I know the apprehension of dementia and the hope of 4th-dimensional consciousness.
I stand in the liminal Now...with God.
Thank you.
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