EVERYTHING CHANGES, EVEN A ROCK OVER TIME

I have shared often how turning 80 for me was like an inside switch had been flipped, and I had evolved into a different person...I feel cold, for one small instance, even on the hottest days. I'm here to tell, that is different.

Talking with a confidant yesterday I recalled that, and I was opened to the possibility of that change being the activator in me today. I had to get into the center of my TIA's trauma and drama, i.e., my experience-based fear, to realize my 80s me may have changed...that God may have upgraded my negative medical side effects to beneficial. 

My sense of experiential safety was being uprooted, leaving my reasoning mind to dictate...to feel all alone and abandoned. My sense of security was dependent not on God here and now but on my own previous experience. 

When I recalled my "new me through 80," I knew God may well have upgraded my meds' two-percent-of-the-population experience. The many onerous side effects of drugs may no longer be my experience, and I can only learn that by taking the one I need now. 

I must admit, even as I honestly sought God's will to solve my dilemma, I consciously feared that I was magic thinking. Actually, it was magic thinking since I was thinking he would change the minds of all my  doctors and see me as right. Instead, in all innocence thinking it was my baby aspirine, I put the pill in my mouth, chewed and swallowed it.

I'm in with the med since fear of the outcome of taking the pill was the basis. A done deed ends dilemma. If fatal is the result, fatal is the end result of life itself. If that is God's preplanned way for me, I'm good with that. Face it, his preplanned way may be this dreaded pill is an angel in disguise and, doing its prescribed job, wards off a stroke. 

Don't tell me that God's hand was not guiding that pill. 

Thank you.