DOING IT WRONG TO GET IT RIGHT

As I prayed to God for forgiveness this morning, I realized...there is nothing to forgive. Which was not satisfying, not comforting, not a good thing for right behind that thought came the reality: There is nothing for God to forgive for I  have done nothing. 

This in no way even hints that I see me as purified...stagnant is the word that is more apt.

I have made my peace, made my amends, cleaned up my act so to speak. Now what? Apparently, I have in effect sat down by the side of the road and waited. 

I had a TIA last Thursday, spent a couple days in the hospital, came home with an 11-page document of instructions for what to do, what meds to take, etc. I have spent the last 40 years avoiding meds since my experience with the side effects of the "new" meds has cost me three major operations. Short take: I am in the two percent of the population that cannot tolerate the "new" high-caliber meds. 

I have honestly sought God's will with regard to taking these prescribed meds. Getting no answer, I made the decision to take the meds...which I will pick up today. 

In my quiet time this morning, the thought occurred that if this be the wrong step, I can allow it to be so that I may be turned around. I have felt stuck for a while, have often quoted saints and sinners as saying that it is better to do the wrong thing than to do nothing...oh my yes, there is Fr Richard's we don't get to God by doing it right, we get to God by doing it wrong.

So with prayers, good thoughts and trepidation, I plan to pick up my prescriptions today and get started heading in a different direction...along with God as my guide and comfort.

Thank you.