ON GIVING OVER

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. taught us that before  we go out to witness for justice, we have to make sure that we can love and respect those with whom we disagree. [How do we get to a win-win solution?]  We change from inside—from the power position to the position of vulnerability and solidarity, which gradually changes everything. -- Fr Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," July 27, 2020

My blinding flash of the obvious that changed my life: Be the first to give over. 

This came to me sometime ago when I was in a very minor hassle with a friend...I don't even remember the problem but I'm thinking it was akin to which movie do we want to go see? Minor? That doesn't even qualify for minor, but my ego was fully, completely, utterly engaged...and so was hers.

Be the first to give over blinked in my mind, and I followed the blink...which is the even bigger "who'd-a-thunk-it?" There were no bells and whistles until much later when another opportunity came to me, and I found it not so easy to do. I did it, but that rang the bell that told me I had to do some serious digging...because I had done it with resulting resentment. The Big No, No Way, Go Back, Do Over, etc.

 

That's when I learned that the old prior proper planning is necessary...probably in life itself...but for sure when making inside changes. 

I realized that I needed to make a decision to commit to the two great commandments, loving the God of my understanding with all my heart, soul, body and brains and my neighbor, be they friend or foe, as myself. Being not entirely stupid, I knew this was going to be a tough slog, and I'd best stop my giving over to get. 

I knew I loved the God of my understanding to the best of my ability to love, but the as myself was a puzzler. For I didn't love myself, and I knew that. So I pondered my less-than-wonderfuls...i.e., I'm a tish partial to gossip, I have a tendency toward know-it-all, I may ramble a bit much, etc. So I determined to stop that. 

I don't know if it was God who slapped me upside my head, but something did, because I came to my senses, or close enough, and the decision bloomed within me: I am as good as I'm going to get just as I am...it'll be hard enough holding steady right here, any improvement is God's job, and he's more than capable so let him already. 

Wonder of wonders, great God Almighty! I felt free to love my neighbor, friend or foe, as myself...s/he is good enough just as s/he is...let it be. So any disagreements I have today, I can be the first to give over without resentment...plus, with no sense of superiority. 

Even more freeing, just because I can doesn't mean I always do...but I know what to do when I miss: Give over, give up, give in.

I cling to the heart-knowledge that we all and each of us are as good as we can be right this very minute...hug it and kiss it and let it be. Now love and laugh.

Thank you.