I have been feeling for awhile now as if I were going through the crucible. There are a few real physical problems that are just for getting through,but the personal unforeseen happenings get my attention. Things like oversleeping...more often than not. Not making my bed...more often than not. Skipping my yoga...first time this morning which is the one that caused me pause. As I reflected, I saw several other "little" slide-byes.
I know this is for my benefit. I know coming out after going through this. I will be grateful I needed to go through this. Ah, but my trepidation is that I may not...I may continue to oversleep...I may just skip this and that.
In short, I may resign vs. accept. When I have long held as my truth that resignation is ego's joystick, acceptance is God's grace.
Then I read in my daily Eswaran: ....most of us still live inside our own private mental worlds. Our attention is often preoccupied...so that we have very little attention to give to love. despite our best intentions to draw closer, all kinds of distracting thoughts...come in any time they like....The journey into deeper consciousness is one we must take up if ever we are to find the love we all so earnestly desire.
And out of I know not where came a quote of Teilhard de Chardin that I had copied sometime back: Since my human dignity, O God, forbids me to close my eyes to this . . . teach me to adore it by seeing you concealed within it.
There. That is how I know God has my back...by the truths that I am led to. Which remind me that my personal comfort lies in the spiritual disciplines that it is up to me to continue to follow...up to me to do.
Hey, new God-thought: Just because I skipped my yoga at 5:00 AM doesn't mean I can't do it at 9:00 AM...or 5:00 PM for that matter. And oversleeping is not never getting out of bed. Get a grip, bite your lip...the clock is not your higher power.
God loves me so much.
Thank you.
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