ON ACCEPTING OUR SELF...OUR FEELINGS

People who do not feel deeply finally do not know or love deeply either. It is the price we pay for loving. Like Job we must be willing to feel our emotions and come to grips with the mystery in our head, our heart, and, yes, our body too. To be honest, that takes our entire life. My emotions are still a mystery to me, and without contemplation they would control me.   Fr. Richard Rohr, "Daily Meditation," July 9, 2013

It took awhile for me to realize, then to accept, that I do feel deeply, that I have, in fact, an empathetic soul. 

My inner work came in seeking help in divorcing my spiritually empathetic self from my strong egoic opinions. I tended toward the dogmatic, not to put too fine a point on it. Which too often led to coulda, woulda, shoulda at 3:00 AM.

I sought God's help...and here she came. I was blessed with a friend at work who would not state a simple fact without qualifying it forty ways from Sunday, then apologizing for it after the fact. She refused to state a preference for a place to eat lunch. "Anywhere" is not a diner. Mercy. They kid not when they say be careful what you pray for.

To state the obvious, I mentally judged her endlessly and, who's kidding whom, mental judgment is silent scorn...not acceptable. Clearly, I needed to change my ways.

I was forced by my own conscience to start blessing my thoughts about her. I was opened to the real goodness in her. The added-on pearl is I found permission to be me in that I'd much rather be opinionated than wishy-washy...and for sure I am.

With a little help from my mentor, my friends and God, I toned me down as needed...and the friend moved to New York. Don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Thank  you.