In a heartbeat I saw that I have learned how to 'suffer in silence the slings and arrows' of a friend's peeve. And I have reaped the rewards...love and continuing friendship...without resentment. The pearl beyond price.
My way once was loud and cutting snark or silent scorn; it was by grace and by God that I learned silent acceptance. But now I realize that my silent acceptance has become my unrecognized pride, therefore, ego's foothold. That is the nature of ego...God's gift can become ego's pride oh so easily. It's kinda like ego's motto is If I can't win, I can claim their victory as mine.
In that heartbeat I saw that my quiet self-sacrifice has morphed into another need now...to become willing to push back with love and laughter. It is a self-sacrifice because that is a scary proposition...I don't know how to push back verbally except with loud snark or silent scorn (which is just an amplified attitude).
Then I read my Rohr "Daily Meditation" which had a Rilke quote that allayed my fear (for the moment) and answered my "Yes, but...how to?" question: "As Rainer Maria Rilke wrote in his Letters to a Young Poet: I want to ask you, as clearly as I can, to bear with patience all that is unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves. . . . For everything must be lived. Live the questions now, perhaps then, someday, you will gradually, without noticing, live into the answer."
My question, of course, is how do I speak softly with humor to 'Rude who is blasting me with her/his anger?
God's answer, of course, is to just try, that's how you learn. Or, hold your nose and take a leap of faith.
That's the God of my understanding being as specific as he gets. But then, how else to build faith?
Thank you.
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