It seems too often today, people believe they build healthy self esteem by tearing other people down; i.e., telling her off...chewing him a new one...standing up for our self. "Standing up for myself" means cutting you down. With love, of course. That is not healthy self esteem that is an ego trip.
In some spiritual writings, self is always capitalized when it is referring to God. I use that idea when I catch myself caught up fretting about my own self esteem, or lack thereof. I consciously remind me that it is Self esteem which is within us all, and it is Love...of self and others. There is no need, therefore, to worry about how to get it.
The extension of that reminder is: In order to feel healthy self esteem, we get to express love not hate for another, specifically for the other who is snarking our ego.
We realize that our mental picture of the one who is threatening our ego-victory self esteem needs to change. Instead of obsessively thinking of ways we can get him told...and with an audience...we think of ways we can agree with her without currying her favor. "Currying favor" keeps it in the self determined objective field and self-determined tells it all...wrong road again.
This entire exercise then becomes a conversation with God more or less...pondering ways not to be hateful to her in order to feel good about our self, but ways to feel and express love for both of us. Optimally, without words.
In my life, I have found nothing, or very little, that makes me feel better about myself than extending unexpected love to another. Unexpected because, if it is truly of God, my reasoning mind had naught to do with it. We know we're pleasing God, our self and another human being right then and there. Now that's healthy Self esteem.
Thank you.
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