So I'm still feeling like 40 miles of rough, rough road, and I'm not shy about telling God about it...I mean, he's got all power, as I tell him repeatedly, what's he saving it for?...heal me already.
In the night God said to me, "Where's the 'thank you' that you're forever raving about? It fits for others but not for you?" (God doesn't take nattering quietly.)
I was immediately taken back to a book written in the early '70s, "The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment" by Thaddeus Golas. In it, Golas tells many stories about getting out of self...through either LSD or meditation. I've never done LSD, and I don't recommend it especially since meditation works, and I can vouch for that.
He relates the story of trying to find love within/without, praying and searching and tripping and getting nowhere. So he drops acid, goes on a horrendous trip...a hideous scarifying monster is right in his face, and he's begging to get away from it.
Right at the height of his terror, he is gifted with the thought, "What was it that you thought needed to be loved?"
There it is...there's my answer. I'm not going to arise all healed, if that were God's will, it would have happened by now. What I get is to glory in the gold that has come to me through this viral infection. Wonderful friends who've walked and tended to Ruckus, repeatedly, who've brought me food and groceries, called just to let me know I'm being thought of. Am I blessed or what?
The real gold, I can stop nattering God about getting my way. He does indeed have all power, and the sooner I align my wishes with his will, the sooner I'll get happy about it.
Thank you.
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