It is really hard to accept that a self-determined objective that looks good, sounds spiritual, is, in fact, quite fetching to the reasoning mind is not of God...is just another self-determined objective, maybe good, maybe not so good.
I determined yesterday when I awoke that twelve days was long enough to be ill. I determined that I am well...all well, and I am going to act like it. Which I did. I changed the sheets on my bed, washed the sheets, washed all my dirty whites, then all my dirty darks...was quite the busy lady, getting it done.
By afternoon I did not feel one bit better than I had when I self-determined myself all well. I did not feel one bit worse either. Exactly the same...still nearly deaf as a post and nearly hacking up a lung. Which is better than the original...really deaf as a post and really hacking up a lung.
The hidden hook is the objective underneath my self-determined objective. My hidden hook was not just to be all well but to FEEL all well. I got a lot accomplished for which I was grateful, but I still felt less than...not myself...a quart low so to speak.
God is the determiner of our daily life perspective...if we keep an attitude of gratitude to God for God, our daily experiences all fall in line behind. They determine nothing. It is our attitude of gratitude that shines the light. My housework (all necessary), done with an expectation of feeling all well, simply got done...which is good, but left me still feeling a quart low.
I got up this morning and said, "Thank you, God. This morning I start my yoga again, after which I'll do my usual morning schedule, walk the boy, feel your love, mentally reach out to someone who is ticking me off and reinforce to me that I love them."
That's exactly what I did and am doing, and my mind is singing "Oh, What A Beautiful Morning." I feel all well...still deaf, etc., but feeling there, at one.
God loves me so much.
Thank you.
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