Blinding flash of the obvious: We need resist not our fears and dreads for they are the rough and rugged that plows our field of inner resistance and lifts us up to God.
I suspect that all desire for other than still more spiritual growth is a desire for a self-determined objective, a want in fact. The want can seem...and sound...spiritually motivated, without any selfish for-me in it. But of course it is...for me. If it is as spiritually exalted as I'm feeling that it is, it has already been done and done repeatedly since 0 B.C.
That is not all bad, and a better habit to have than finding fault with everything. We just need be aware that it is of self, not a secret directive from God. Ah, unless it is.
That fairly well explains why still more spiritual growth is never ending. Rule of thumb: If it makes common sense, we're probably going down that wrong road again.
Paradox: If it makes common sense, we're probably going down that wrong road again, but if it doesn't make a lick of sense, we're probably going down that wrong road again.
My experience is that I usually know for certain sure God's will for me when I look back at my life. I see, I realize, I've been led when I felt the most unsure. When I had to hold my nose and take a leap of faith...and as often as not, felt the immediate result was wrong, as in: I shoulda, woulda, coulda, and where were You when I needed You?
Here's me in my 80s now, looking back at my life, and I honestly know I have lived a good life, a blessed life, a life I can rest at peace with. Purely and simply because the God of my understanding is, was, ever has been in my life...whether I knew it or not.
The path I walked was God-led all the while...including the detours His gift of free will allowed me, which I learned to make amends for with love and laughter.
Love and laughter...God's panacea for life.
Thank you.
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