My unknowing is spiritual in nature, is of God, and encompasses my goofs, the inadvertent displays of my ignorance...in public, my lack of social graces...in short, me showing me without a cover story.
My unknowing is that which I prayed God remove, or at least keep hidden from others. Never realizing if it's hidden, it is hidden within me. Where else could it be? It is that which awakens me at 3:00 AM to needle, shame and berate me.
And that is my gift?
But, of course.
With the blinders of my own opinion off...or loosened at any rate...I can more easily recognize that it has ever been my "hiddens" that first turned me to God, and that continue to, now with a sense of compassion mixed in.
It is that compassion that birthed my BFO, that God grows within me as I learn to live more focused on others.
My experience with shrinks, and I have been to a few, is that I have never felt that I have broken through for the benefit of others...and not much for me.
My experience with still more spiritual growth is where I have been blessed beyond measure. The blessing is my acceptance of that which I had prayed so hard to lose is now my source of love and laughter.
The shrink-knowledge I have acquired has been good but basically self-centered; spiritual knowing has brought a sense of peace and purpose.
Proof again of the presence of our unsuspected inner resource.
Thank you.
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