CEASE FIGHTING...DANCE!

Per Dr. Diana L. Hayes, a modern mystic: God has always seemed to come to me in days of darkness and disillusionment *** I wrestled with God on my bed of pain as I do still today...I argue and shout and listen and pray and question and doubt and finally acquiesce, only to move further down the path to another fork in the road where the struggle begins yet anew. -- From Fr Richard Rohr's "Daily Meditation," December 5, 2019

I said to a friend recently that I shake my fist in God's face frequently. To say that shocked her is understating in the extreme. Since I knew better, I had to accept that I'd invited her response so I listened...or, more honestly, I made listening noises while sliding glances at my watch.

It comforts me beyond reasoning what having a "real" God means to me. We talk...or, I talk and I know I am heard.

SIDEBAR: I am just seeing that I can compare myself, albeit regrettably, to the TV commentator, Chris Matthews. I accuse him of asking questions of his guest, answering the question he has asked, interrupting himself to disagree with the answer, then setting the guest straight about the answer...the guest who never gets a chance to open his mouth. It becomes clearer with every inner awakening why the basic spiritual answer is always and ever: Love and laugh. 

All this is by way of saying until I accept, again and again, a God of my own understanding who ever and forever lets me know that he is the only one I am free to disagree with (the word I heard and believe from my toenails up is: We have ceased fighting anything and anybody...or, in the vernacular, get over yourself), I follow my own ego, feeling less-than and superior-to...occasionally both at the same time.

All this comes by way of a quote of Saint Augustine. Paraphrased, he praised the wonder and the glory of finding within himself the God of his own understanding, then falling under his ego's spell again and again, but ever returning to the beauty and the glory of his God. Which gives one permission to be down-and-dirty human even while seeking spiritual growth, doesn't it? Or maybe that's just me.

So be it.

Thank you.