In a casual conversation recently, I repeated an old fantasy of mine (I repeated a lie). I thought nothing at all about telling it for it had been one of the many fantasy stories I had told for most of my adult life...in fact, I told it until I realized it was nothing but a fantasy. Apparently, it had been my wished-for truth.
Later that evening when I remembered the conversation, I was a tish taken back that I'd told the story for I'd gotten clear of it some time back...I'd told myself.
Ah, and here came a blinding flash of the obvious to save my day: We must needs repeat, rererepeat, our prettied up crap to become reconciled with it as a part of us...to love and laugh about it within and without. If it were, as we wish, lifted out without work and more work on our part, there would be no spiritual growth.
For what it's worth, and strictly according to me, in repeating my fantasy, I was "doing it right." That was the God of my understanding staying my subconscious egoic need for control which still more spiritual growth subverts. It was my initial despondency when I recognized that I had repeated the lie that let the BFO out. As long as the lie stayed covered up inside, I could fool myself that it did not exist. All the while it was playing shame-and-blame with me, pulling me down away from love and laughter.
There. Proof that God can, will and does intervene in our life in our behalf.
Thank you.
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