ON CHANGING OUR FOCUS

I was gifted this morning with the remembrance that there are two ways we can choose to look at our world...materially or spiritually.

It is natural that we will see first with our reasoning mind's eyes, i.e., materially. It is only through a deep desire and a lot of self-discipline that we learn to view from a higher place that which we're seeing...to look through the eyes of the God of our understanding, spiritually.

I was reminded of that today because of this illness that I have been wrestling with since March 2. The cardiologist told me on Friday that he really can't say what the problem is. Which, interestingly, sent me into a tailspin, mentally searching for someone to blame for being unfairly punished in 1947 by an uncle who has been dead since 1948. It only took a minute to get there.

So I took all day Saturday to wallow in the attack of my own slings and arrows...the old "it hurts so good" still works when self is driving the bus.

This morning (I love God so much) I "remembered" that I could view this illness as no more nor less than toxins being released...the old poor, pitiful, put-upon-me toxin, the ancient love of gossip toxin, the just a tish better/worse than you toxin. A deep desire and a lot of self-discipline can and will do for me what my reasoning mind will not even consider at first blush.

Note to self: Old and ancient? It's not old behavior if I'm still using it. (Don't tell me God doesn't pay attention to every jot, tittle, and mote.)

All of which brings me to a new level of understanding my illness...I'm not shutting down from heart failure, I'm opening up to a new freedom from self. That's my story, and I'm loving it.

Thank you.