We try so hard to avoid pain, particularly psychic pain, that we cannot see that we are holding that very pain to us. Anxiety is a case in point. I have been assured by doctors, shrinks and friends that an actual anxiety attack lasts at most 90 seconds...it is in our trying to hold the anxiety off that we cause our own misery.
The greatest gift to our spiritual growth is feeling anxiety creeping into our heart, our soul, our body and our brains and daring to say, "Welcome. Come on in." For it is in that welcoming that we throw in with God.
We know from too much experience that we cannot control our anxiety, can't abate it, make it lesser (only more). So it is that very "welcome" that we speak through our fear to God's ears that sets us free...and not forever! That's the nature of growth...anxiety keeps coming back, and we learn to let it...not fight it, let it.
There has been no greater impetus to my spiritual growth than my anxiety, my golden goose. For nothing else did cause me to seek God so deeply, so completely.
According to Fr. Richard Rohr, "...we need to stand in that position for our own conversion. We need to be in a
position to actually need the mercy of God, the forgiveness of God, the grace of
God."
That's it. Our own need for God, in whatever form it takes (anxiety, illness, loss) determines his flow through us in whatever form that takes (mercy, forgiveness, grace...love).
Thank you.
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