That's the word. The word I keep forgetting to say to God when I'm stumped yet again with an ego biter. God has the power, and He can and will use it in my life in my behalf.
I keep hearing friends talk about getting their power back. I do not want my so-called power back. When I had that power, I was a reasonably successful woman and eaten alive with fear that I couldn't hold it, would get it taken from me, would be shamed and blamed because I misused it. Living like that was never an option for me...but I hadn't yet found my inner strength (by which I mean God!) to turn from it.
It took some time (all good things do), but one day I realized that all the power I needed was not of me but of We. And that power is not available to our ego...in fact, its goal is ego-deflation in depth. That fact is what our ego resists and trips us with at will. The ego always legislates for itself (seemingly for us!), and we can't hate that...it is our song of the Sirens.
I suspect if it weren't for our warts, our uglies, our defects of character, we'd sit right there with our ego-legislating selves...all alone and feeling superior about it. Those warts though become too ugly, too hurtful to our own selves to live with. They drive us to a power greater than ourselves...and, like magic (sometimes in a year or two, sometimes longer, say 30-40-50 years!), our defects of character are transmuted.
I am grateful to God, to my rues, regrets and remorses and to all my imaginary enemies that I know today: "You (by which I mean God!) got the power."
Thank you.
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