UNEXPLAINABLE BY REASON

I was held back by mere trifles, the most paltry inanities, all my old attachments. They plucked at my garments of flesh and whispered: 'Are you going to dismiss us? From this moment we shall never be with you again, forever and ever. From this moment you will never again be allowed to do this thing, or that, for evermore.' -- Saint Augustine

If it weren't for the fact that this is a saint confessing, I'd be embarrassed at how much I can still identify with his experience. My ego whispers, "You're very much like a saint," and God laughs. I still kinda preen...who's kidding whom?

But isn't that the most perfect description of our thinking when we desperately want to quit thinking, feeling, doing, being, eating, drinking, smoking, snorting, shooting, sniffing?...and the list goes on. Here's the paradox: Wanting to doesn't count...until we do it. Then we realize that it is the wanting to that is the first step. We just wouldn't accept that the first step is all about crashing and burning. Which is the right (only?) road to freedom from self.

And today I'm only talking about judging others! But it's always the same process...ego dies hard, and I am ever my cross to bear.

It's no wonder our reasoning mind will never get us there...it is unexplainable by reason. Only still more spiritual light can clarify it and that light comes from within. It lights our path and leads us out of our own way.

Thank you.