WAIT FOR DIRECTIONS

What a busy morning I've had...and it's all been in my head!

I've registered for a course, paid my $200 (which, may I say, ain't pocket change to me), and now there's some doubt that the course will be held. Already my personal uh-oh projector is sending signals that I'll not get my $200 back, they'll want to substitute another course, I don't want another course, this is the only course I can do, I am going to....

And I run out of steam because I really don't have a battery of ugly what I'll does to fall back on anymore.

So I said to God that I'd rather lose the $200 than fight about it...and I meant it. But then came the thought that that is just another self-determined objective masquerading as spiritual discipline...or, covering a bad motive with a good motive.

Before I ever heard of spiritual growth, I avoided hassles. Someone once said if breathing required more than an inhale/exhale, I'd be dead because I'd consider it too much of a hassle...which was true at the time. I still don't want a hassle, but I don't want a resentment more than I don't want a hassle, so I do for me today.

I pondered my problem, and knew that I really would rather lose the $200 than fight about it...that's the door to the right direction. I need to open that door within me for God to flow out and do Its thing.  I "prime the pump" for me by deciding what I DO NOT WANT God's will to be, in this case to substitute another course, then I work on welcoming that. I get there, then it really does not matter the outcome.

All I need know is that I'd rather have God's will done in my life than my will done in my life...then wait for directions. He knows where I am.

"Grant what thou commandest and then command what thou wilt."  -- Saint Augustine.

Thank You.