WE ARE, AFTER ALL, ONE

The most difficult part of "I shall fight no more forever" for me is that by not fighting, or even resisting, I fear I give the impression of being whatever negative another chooses to think of me.

For instance, many years ago just as I was dipping my toe into spiritual learning, Sam the Unwonderful did me dirt. My whole world knew of it, and whenever we saw him, we all made sure he knew what a dirt-bag we thought he was...only all that did was fire the furnace of resentment in my belly, and before long my thoughts had him guilty of everything but the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. Negative plus, with all my self-justified snubs, I never felt good within me about me.

Through sheer desperation, I was finally led to begin thinking kind thoughts about him...to start thinking of his good, and when I saw him, I'd give him a hug and a hello, and I felt sooo much better within me about me.

Unfortunately it wasn't long before the quiet word drifted back to me that not only Sam the Unwonderful, but my friends, too, thought I was nuts, that I was trying to reconnect with him, that I was blah, blah, blah. The gift of grace was I did not even consider going backward…it may have been my first “let the whirling dervishes whirl” (from the Acceptance pamphlet).

Something akin to this is now happening again, and I am reminded of my talk with my spiritual adviser back then. She reminded me of the path I so want to walk and of my commitment to myself and my Self to stay the course no matter my ego's red blare.

I reread Matthew 5:44 which is all about giving over to "them which persecute you" (or as I laughingly call them which persecute me, "liars, thieves, cheats and whores"). It is the first sentence of 5:45 ("That ye may be the [child] of your Father which is in heaven....") where the whole reason for giving over is found: That I “may be,” not that "I may feel like," or "that I may hope to become," or "that in the great Hereafter I may be” the child of my Father which is in heaven. No, that I may now be, and further that I may be and in the doing, I am the proof of the pudding for others to see and realize that it works...spiritual thinking, feeling, doing, being works for us.

As I said, something akin to this is happening again, and, even though sometimes it can still feel like I'm arm-wrestling with God, I am grateful for my past experience of grace. Reminding myself of that time removes the idea that I need to take some self-centered action here...and blow up my hard-earned peace of mind.

Not mine to fix, mine to detach from, to give over to "them"...for by giving over to them, I give over to God. We are, after all, One.

Thank You.