FEAR OR SPIRITUAL GROWTH?

Some form of suffering or death—psychological, spiritual, relational, or physical—is the only way we will loosen our ties to our small and separate self. Only then does the larger self appear, which we could call the Risen Christ, the soul, or the true self. -- Richard Rohr

This morning's Journal entry: Early this morning.... 3:00 AM...intense discomfort...was it pain?...in both arms...have no aspirin which surprised me...I thought I always kept aspirin (a clue for me?)...there was only a couple of out-of-date baby aspirin which I took...I wondered if this was a heart attack but I did not panic (another clue?), and I even made an attempt at scaring me into action, i.e., 911. Nada, which is yet another clue...this could be another level of spiritual growth or another aspect of the 80s, completely new and different reaction to old stuff. In short, common sense or still more spiritual growth?  Lord, hear my prayer...thank You.

This morning, the memory of my 3:00 AM intense discomfort in both arms has my reasoning mind in an unpanicked quandary...physical or spiritual? 

This was Good Friday moving into Holy Saturday with Easter tomorrow. I note this is the holiest time of the Christian year, and that I have had most if not all of my intense spiritual experiences at this time of year. 

The one I most clearly remember happened some 30 years ago. I was awakened around 5:00 AM by the ringing of a small bell I had in my kitchen. For whatever reason, I groggily asked, "Are you an angel of the Lord?" And the bell rang again. I woke up p.d.q., sat up in bed, and asked again, "ARE you an angel of the Lord?" And the bell rang again. This happened a third time.

Interestingly, "nothing happened" after that, meaning nothing happened for me to exhibit to the outside world. Looking back, however, I came to realize that was the beginning of a new path to my deeper spiritual growth that changed my actions, reactions, responses...me. 

I choose to believe the happening this morning is for my spiritual growth...fear wants to do my thinking, faith stands for me. More will be revealed. Amen. 

 Thank you.