Morning blinding flash of the obvious: The unexplainable is love, too.
Only recently I realized that I had not paid my respects to my beloved friend when he was dying from throat cancer. By that I mean, the entire two years from diagnosis to death, I did not so much as say "Sorry to hear that" or send him a card, a text, an e-mail, a handwritten note...I'm talking nada.
I am in earnest when I say I only recently fully realized my nonactions.
This is a man who was a casual friend with whom most everybody (to my knowledge) felt a happy rapport. He was not an intimate friend, he was a spiritual friend, and whenever I saw him, I felt a jolt of joy.
I do know that I never took seriously his diagnosis of cancer...meaning, I never gave it a home in my head or my heart. It was to me nonexistent. And I consciously did not attend his funeral. I made it to his visitation, gave my condolences to his wife and his mother, stayed the accepted half hour and left.
Just this past week I have been thinking of him...and my nonacceptance started floating through my mind. I felt neither shame nor guilt...my two favorite places when I'm unsure of myself...possibly because my behavior was so alien to me. I simply know and do better than that...whether I want to or not, and for him I would want to.
I have been unable to justify me to myself...maybe because I feel no shame, no guilt. My nonactions were not deliberate, they were unknowing. I do know that I purely loved the man.
Clearly, this BFO was a God gift, and I am grateful: The unexplainable is love, too.
Thank you.
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