The following is straight from my journal that I wrote at 6:00 AM today:
"He doesn't stop me from my rues, regrets and remorses, he smoothes their effects on others and/or on me...showing me why I invited them so I can let them go.
"Example: Yesterday at the memorial, Mortimore and I were saying how great each other looks now, all these years later. I wound up by jokingly saying that we can quit lying to each other now. By his startled look, I later realized he must've thought I was serious, that I don't think he looks all that good. I do regret that.
"Lesson a-learning: By saying and seeing, I realize that I do that a lot, and probably offend without realizing it. Blinding flash of new thought: God has already remedied it. I just need to bear his remedy in mind to let my behavior be changed."
Less than one minute later, I began reading Rohr's Meditation. The following is the first thing I read, and I quote directly:
Richard Rohr honors how painful transformation can be and reminds us to be patient with ourselves and the process: The word change normally refers to new beginnings. But the mystery of transformation more often happens not when something new begins, but when something old falls apart.
Spiritual transformation always includes a disconcerting reorientation....Change happens, but transformation is always a process of letting go, and living in the confusing, shadowy, transitional space for a while. Eventually, we are spit up on a new and unexpected shore.
I was...still am...utterly astounded. That is immediately answered prayer...prayer that was still in regret form. Without that inner awakening, chances are I would even now be beating me up for hurting another albeit inadvertently.
Little miracles birth our inner changes that show forth with love and laughter.
Thank you.
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