When I was 10 years old, my 12-year-old brother, who was my hero, became very ill and was admitted into Children's Hospital. After a month or so of many tests, he was found to have an incurable illness, was brought home and, three months later, passed away. There was enormous debt, yet we never went hungry, we always had a roof over our head, a bed to sleep in...enough, in a word. I'd be putting on airs to call us "middle class," but it never entered my mind that we'd not have...enough.
Same goes in my adult life...I have always had enough. I've never gone hungry, I've always had my bed to sleep in, I've always been able to pay my rent or mortgage, I've always had friends...I've always had enough.
Yet it is a fact that back in the day my prayers to God were always for more. I'd dress it up right pretty, but it was always for more...more love, more glory, more security...more.
I've been pondering this since I saw a news story recently about a youngish teacher whose job was abolished. From the sounds of it, she immediately went right down the tubes. Lived on the streets, admitted, with tears in her eyes, that she went home more than once with a stranger..."lived under the bridge" in the vernacular and maybe in truth.
My heart went out to her because I know the pain of relying on the reasoning mind to fix our problems. It matters not if they are the apparently unfixable ones or the dailies, our go-to fix is ever our reasoning mind...worrying, in point of fact, but call it thinking, please.
My interpretation of her story is that in her consciousness that job was her security, her God. If she lost the job, she lost her God...no job, no God. So that when that happened, it so demoralized her, so demolished her, that she simply slipped into hopelessness, rather than accept that the job was not the answer...rather than change her mind.
Lo! It is the reasoning mind's utter defeat that frees its worst case scenario from the bondage of self. The dreaded surrender gets its time to shine. In our inability to think of a solution, feeling hopeless, helpless, powerless, our Soul seeks help...and we are raised into a deeper consciousness.
We go beyond reason to love, to our Higher Power...and find green pastures, still waters, peace. Enough in a word.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want....
Thank you.
Thank you.
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