OUR FEAR IS GOD'S INVITATION

Recently, I heard someone repeat the canard that with faith one cannot have fear. When I hear that, my mind goes immediately to the story in the New Testament of Jesus, at the prospect of crucifixion, praying so hard he sweat blood. According to me, that is fear, touchable fear in the form of blood dropping from his face. It is also faith...touchable faith as he got up and trudged up the hill with the Cross on his back.

It has always been my contention (because I can't bear any other) that in his act of faith, going forward to his crucifixion, his pain was transmuted...his humility was the healer of pain.

My take on the story has proven to be important to me when I am faced with an Oh-No, I Can't Do This situation. No matter how teensy in comparison, our oncoming dreads feel big, huge,  insurmountable...who's kidding whom?, like a crucifixion.

My biggie, the one that set the path for me up to this day, happened in 1974 when I had an interview  for a secretarial position at a big, important (thus intimidating to me) law firm. At the time I was suffering from humongous anxiety attacks, and I prayed only that I not have an anxiety attack during the interview.

I wore my best dress, shoes, good-luck charm, and rigid, righteous and right look upon my face to cover the panicky, run, little chickee, run feeling of fear in my heart, head and gut. And, lo, when I met the lady who was to interview me, I knew that chickee was right. I felt like I'd just stepped into an icebox...cold, she was, with my rigid, righteous and right look reflected back at me upon her face.

She started the interview by handing me a shorthand pad and pen, and commencing to dictate. I was taking the notes with no problem...until I had the thought, "What if...?" Anxiety attacked me, the pen flew out of my hand and I wilted.

And here came God to the rescue!

The Ice Queen melted right along with me! She looked all compassionate and said, "Oh, my dear...you're having an anxiety attack. Don't you just hate those?"

Long/short...I got the job.

It didn't take too long for me to realize all the implications of my experience...if God had answered my prayer of no anxiety, please and thank you, I would not have gotten the job. More, no, MOST  important, I wouldn't have gotten proof positive that God has my back, knows my needs, my needs rarely match my wants, and the Father knows best.

From that day, I have known that God loves us, and our Oh Nos are his invitation to prove it.

Thank you.