My boy is in the Emergency Animal Hospital, I.C.U.
Woke up at 5:30 this morning to a lot of bright red poop most everywhere...we were at the E.R. by 6:00. This has happened twice before in his life, but this time he got sicker while there and started throwing up.
My hardest part was in signing him in for overnight when I was asked if, in direst case, I wanted "resuscitate" or "don't resuscitate." She was very gentle and explained that they must ask that even if we're talking broken toenail, but the very need to ask just destroyed me.
On the way home...alone...I told God that I am at peace knowing that he knows our needs. He has already programmed our best end-case, and I'm leaving that all up to him, that I'm going to picture my boy bounding around Heaven and/or playing with his squeak-toy right here with me...God's choice. If it's his time to go back to God, he'll be trading up for sure.
I got home and cleaned up all the mess. Sat down with my spiritual dailies, and I couldn't see to read. Went in to check my macular degeneration grid, and it was all broken and faded, unreadable to me. My instructions are to contact the eye doctor immediately if there's any grid change.
I considered that the morning of stress plus all the bending over to clean up the dried bloody mess had put a serious strain on my eyes, plus I'd told the vet that I would be at my home phone number all day, so I made the conscious decision to just go lay down and rest. When I rechecked the grid later, I saw it as pale but whole...close enough to perfect for me.
When I went to read my Easwaran daily reader, it opened to a Meister Eckhart quote: "It is permissible to take life's blessings with both hands provided thou dost know thyself prepared in the opposite event to take them just as gladly."
There. There's the gold in relying on the spiritual versus the reasoning mind...we get to know when God is talking directly to us. And there's nothing to hate about that.
Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment