STILL MORE SPIRITUAL GROWTH LEADS, II

[The following is a reprint of my post of October 28, 2020.]

Blinding flash of the obvious: The wonder of still more spiritual growth: It is not ours to grow, it grows us.

That BFO clears my cluttered thinking...I realize that once we have made the decision and committed our self to still more spiritual growth, we change within. Our want for our self-determined justice is upended, and seemingly on their own our thoughts no longer feel resisting, but welcoming...from closed to opened.

We are now seeking to understand rather than to be understood.

But wait, there's more! After my quiet time, I'm reading Rohr's "Daily Meditation," and there spelled out is my spiritual growth bringing home the bacon: If we try to move without being attuned to the music of God and our True Self, what we do will not be beautiful, helpful, or possibly even worth doing.

There it is...a self-determined objective defined with no justifier, qualifier or fancy-schmancy...and a self-determined objective was the furthest thought from my reasoning mind. Ah, but clearly spiritual growth knew my need.

Trust our Father within...He needs no prayer but thank you for our needs are already met.

Thank you.

WITH GOD IN A SENSE OF PEACE AND PURPOSE

One thing is becoming increasingly clear to me: that You cannot help us, that we must help You to help ourselves. And that is all we can manage these days and also all that really matters: that we safeguard that little piece of You, God, in ourselves. And perhaps in others as well. Alas, there doesn’t seem to be much You Yourself can do about our circumstances, about our lives. Neither do I hold You responsible. You cannot help us, but we must help You and defend Your dwelling place inside us to the last. -- Interrupted Life: The Diaries of Etty Hillesum, 1941–1943  

I am coming to believe...sincerely believe...that our very fear will save us for nothing turns us to God faster or more sincerely than fear. The world's shortest prayer, Help!, is no doubt the world's most sincere prayer in its moment.

We hear...we preach...fear not! But, if only from our eyebrows up, we know the Way is to welcome our fear...the welcome is our turn to God. 

It may be true...if we were capable of sincerely welcoming fear, we would not fear...and probably be turning to God a lot less. 

Some years ago, I read of Etty Hillesum. (In short, she was a Dutch Jewish author who in 1943 was deported and murdered in the Auschwitz concentration camp.) When first I read her story, I felt spiritually gobsmacked, and I still do. I had read of others, not many but some, who had walked through the fire...walked through in faith and love of God and humanity...and did not come strutting out the other side looking like our idea of a winner. In the process of their dying, however, they were wholly with God in a sense of peace and purpose.

Her life, her diaries, are of God and meant to be read, reread, passed on, savored and saved for all who come after to lift us just a tish higher on every reading. 

In the process of dying, there can be naught higher than to be wholly with God in a sense of peace and purpose.

Thank you.

GOD IS NEVER NOT WITH US

 Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me....

Here's where I am now, feeling like I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death...not to be overly dramatic about it. But this is where I have been and calling it the 80s...in fear, but a whole new and different feeling of fear. I accepted long ago that there are only two feelings from which all others flow...there is love and there is fear. If we feel good, love; if we feel not so good, fear. Keeps life and living it simpler.

I realized recently that the 80s is me, still finding reasons to get what I have always sought, namely, a man in my life to make me half of a couple.  

It has become clear that this new feeling of fear wants a man for to be a go-between for me...a go-between me and my life. Someone to do for me all that I have ever done for myself and very well, truth to tell. But the 80s has a new way of thinking for me, and this, I'm seeing, is the crux of my nervous-Nellie belly.

The obvious just flashed: For what use is the Divine to us if we won't rely on it in faith?

Reasoning mind answers: This is me being me...working my way through my own stuff to get to the Divine within. If I could do it faster, I wouldn't because I might miss the main point...or just a few points, each of which, being Divine, is essential. 

There! God loves me so much. He never leaves me wondering...for long. I take as long as I take, and he's with me every Step of the way.

Thank you. 

THE THIRD WAY...SPACIOUS BUT HIDDEN

Well, now. As I have written, talked, nattered about for a while now, I am experiencing changes...inner changes that appear for all my world to see. They are neither bad nor good just different for me...all of a varying spiritual nature.  I've named them "the 80s," because they seem to have begun around my 80th birthday.  

This morning, as I'm preparing to write my blog, my file opens to the following earlier post of mine:

"6/28/16 THIS MAY BE THE EXPLANATION FOR MY 'INVOLUNTARY CHANGES' THAT I SEEM TO BE EXPERIENCING NOW:" Then I had a quote from Fr Richard's Daily Meditation of that day.

Rohr's quote was of interest then, but what is of interest to me today is the fact that I was experiencing "involuntary changes" back in 2016...seven years ago!...and they were important enough for me to make note of. I had not recalled that fact till I reread about it.

I love that so much it hurts. 

That tells me...or gives a very broad hint...that whatever is going on within us/without us is of  God...maybe not driven by, but for sure preapproved. Face it, we say that every day in various ways, but what we say and what we believe can be two very different things. It is not lying, we just do not realize the new truth as we speak.

 

This is a wonderful example. If asked, I would have sworn my today's inner changes are new, never happened to me before, only came when, or because, I turned 80.

Here's the meat of Fr Richard's quote:  The contemplative stance is the Third Way. We stand in the middle, neither taking the world on from another power position nor denying it for fear of the pain it will bring. We hold the dark side of reality and the pain of the world until it transforms us, knowing that we are both complicit in the evil and can participate in wholeness and holiness. Once we can stand in that third spacious way, neither directly fighting nor denying and fleeing, we are in the place of grace out of which genuine newness can come. This is where creativity and new forms of life and healing emerge. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, June 28, 2016

Now I see, now I know the gift for me today:  ...we are in the place of grace out of which genuine newness can come. This is where creativity and new forms of life and healing emerge.

Thank you.

ARROGANCE HUMBLED...BE AND LET BE

God's will is not about protecting us from parading our arrogance, God's will is about learning humility when we get caught parading our arrogance. 

I am arrogant...ah, and so are you. 

I'm betting at any given moment, we are each of us as arrogant as the next one. Judge neither self nor the other...be and let be.

There is no cheap humility. It is, however, purely free when we learn to love and laugh.

Thank you.

GO WITH GOD...ALWAYS A WIN-WIN

On being open to being wrong, I've said it before, we'd best rid our self of the idea that we must do the next right thing. Most reasonably sane people do not set out to do the wrong thing, after all; and, nothing will keep us stuck, stationary, motionless like the ego-victory decision to do only the next right thing.

If we are to live life...truly live life...we must be willing to take the risk of being wrong. Face it, taking the risk of being wrong is simply the flip side of risking being right. 

Think it through...we are seeking still more spiritual growth, as in consciously changing our own behavior for the benefit of others...and not exploding when we get a smirk in return. Then trying to think bless you and mean it. 

There's nothing wrong with being wrong, it is failure to admit it that takes us down. It is an egoic demand that we be right and only right. As a ponderable, if we were always right, would we ever find God necessary? 

As it is, right or wrong, God has our back...a forever win-win.

Thank you.

WE NEED GOD...AND THAT IS ALL FOR THAT IS ALL

We’re in Hell now by wrapping ourselves around our hurts, by over-identifying with and attaching ourselves to our fears, so much so that they become our very identity. Any chosen state of victimhood is an utter dead end. Once you make that your narrative, it never stops gathering evidence about how you have been wronged by life, by others, and even by God. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, December 18, 2020

Looking back, I remember when the BFO I feel fear, God is near first came to my consciousness. It made no immediate common sense, but I have since learned to ponder these visitors. Invariably they become a comfort. 

I feel in a state of turmoil today. A thought keeps circling...Is this real or is this fear? 

I just got the quiet word: It is real fear. 

What do I know to do when I'm feeling fear? I welcome it...I hug it, I kiss it on the lips, I let it go. 

There is the transition...the breath between the touch to my lips and knowing I got it.

Note that the quoted post was published nearly three years ago, yet as I sat down to write, it opened to me, I was not looking for it. There's God, as ever, at my back, front and sides. I'm eased knowing no matter what fear's intentions, God is following in the lead.

I do not have a worldly answer to my fear, but with faith, we don't need the world's answers. We have what we need...God, and that is the answer. 

 

Any chosen state of victimhood is an utter dead end. 

Thank you.

FEEL FEAR, PRAY THANK YOU, MOVE ON, II

[The following is a reprint of my post of November 26, 2019.]

The feeling of running on empty is with me and has been for a while. My notes in "God Calling" tell an interesting tale...all the way back to the 1980s, November is packed with less-than-wonderful notes, asides, prayers and plaints.

Life goes in circles and cycles and going with it works best so those notes bring me comfort...hard comfort, but comfort. They remind me that November is the time of the year I've preselected to be my just-for-getting-through time.

Finding grace in loss is grace. It cannot be self-willed...wished for, of course, but acceptance is as close as we'll come to it, and that can't be self-willed either. I've walked over a lot of personal hot coals getting to acceptance and unlearned from each one...and, who's kidding whom, that's gratitude in a cold bath.

Maybe loss is the cherry-on-top...like fear, it exposes our utter powerlessness, and in our emptiness, we can only turn to God. There in the miasma of neglected, rejected and abandoned, we sense our lantern's faint glow...before ever we have eyeball evidence, we know: I feel fear...God is here.

Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment. — Eckhart Tolle

Thank you.

GOD IS OUR GREAT WEB OF BELONGING

The shift from God at the zenith of the great chain of being toward God with us in a great web of belonging is the heart of today’s spiritual revolution.  -- Writer and speaker Diana Butler Bass

For whatever reason, I am taken by the image of God in the midst of us...not "up there," not out of reach without a lot of stretching, straining, praying and pleading to just get a feel for him in our life.

When first I heard the words the Father lives within, it attached itself to me, and I trusted its truth. Today, thank you is my ever-present go-to, and my life proves it. I worry not...mostly.

I'm reminded of this from a happening just yesterday. I was on the phone with an acquaintance, and in the midst of my remarks to her, I totally forgot the next word I needed to say...the word that was the crux of my sentence. Then the whole sense of the sentence left me...which I cleverly covered with "as you well know." I'm fairly certain she did not, but she, too, covered well, and we wound our talk up.

I promptly had a mini panic attack...dementia?! 

I was sent back to my post of a couple days ago where we had written:  ...whatever comes, we need only believe to say aloud, This, too, is of God.  And we will be peaced.

I am humbled and happy to report that that is true. 

On the edge of panic, the thought arose, This, too, is of God...and I was peaced. 

Since then, I have not had any dreaded thoughts attempt to enter...nor have I attempted to explain any dreaded thoughts away. When...not if...they come, I welcome them for they, too, are just looking for a home.

Love and laugh.

Thank you.

WE FIVE-FINGERED ONES AND OUR GIVEN SEAT

[E]very single living life form has been given a seat on this sacred hoop of life … and that includes us … the five-fingered ones. We also have a seat on that sacred hoop. Every single member has a methodology for upholding its part of the sacred hoop. Every single member must uphold their part of the sacred hoop, or the integrity of the hoop begins to fail. That’s what I believe we’re witnessing right now. -- Pat McCabe (Weyakpa Najin Win, Woman Stands Shining) of the Diné nation 

Blinding flash of the obvious: My posts...those are my part, are me upholding my part of the sacred hoop. Thank you.

That seems such a small thing, the writing of my posts. 

I have worried and fretted for years...literally years...because almost all of my friends (and every single foe, seems like) do so much for others...serve others selflessly, all but religiously, and maybe even there, too. I do not...worse yet I have never even wanted to...uh-oh, all that worry leans toward guilt which gives the lie to not wanting to. 

I seriously resisted starting to write, but it was gifted to me. One fine day, I sat down and started typing...and published what I wrote! And every possible day for the past fifteen years, I get up, I go into my quiet time, then I sit and let my posts flow forth. 

It sometimes takes an hour, sometimes several hours...I only know how long it may take after I've put the last period to it since I never know when I start what's to be said. I do not know, nor do I care whether the posts are read, and if read, appreciated or demeaned...they are not mine, they are freebies.

Just this morning when I got the word that writing is my service to God...that making myself available every morning for God's word to flow from within is of God...I felt jubilant. All my feelings of guilt just got transmuted...they're now jubilant!

Again, the writing is not mine, it is of God. His flow through me shows forth as my service work, and I am freed of the surface garbage. 

God does indeed work in mysterious ways for our benefit his wonders to perform.

Thank you.

GOD'S WILL, GOD'S WAY IS GOD'S LOVE

It seems that most everybody I know over the age of 60 is secretly afraid they have or will soon fall victim to dementia. Everybody, of course, includes me. 

This morning I invited my fear to spell itself out, and I realized my fear reaches unto end of life. Further, I may already have dementia or soon will have it, and it will steadily worsen until three days after I die at age 100. There it is, my fear at its finest.

While all of that may be true, there are always two ways of looking at life, i.e., materially or spiritually. On the material plane, I may die before dementia can do its worst. I have often said that I do not fear death, but I am a tish nervous about how I am going to go. There. Dementia's upside...death has become its sliver of gold. Quick, fast and in a hurry just earned its wings.

Then spiritually...I asked for God's interpretation. I got nothing...nothing regarding dementia or how I'm going to go or when or where. 

I did get, again and yet again: God's will, God's way is God's love, forever for our benefit. Unknowable as to specifics, knowable in faith...whatever comes, we need only believe to say aloud, This, too, is of God.  And we will be peaced.

God's will, God's way is God's love. How could that not be for our own personal benefit? 

Thank you.

WE CHOOSE GOD CHOOSES US

I have read that Alan of Lille claimed that reason, guided by prudence, could discover most truths about the physical order without help; but in order to understand religious truth and to know God, the wise must believe in faith.

Until this morning, I never heard of Alan of Lille but I agree wholly with his claim. Here's this ancient theologian's thought that through the centuries has become commonsense...to me at least.

I have felt light-headed and not with it, not myself, for over a week now. I have learned when feelings akin to this happen, to do all the physical checks first...if nothing comes, do the spiritual checks. All I got from the physical checks is a confirmation that I am allergic to just about everything...to me a well-known and experienced fact is the more meds and OTCs I take for my allergies, the more whopperjawed I feel.  

So I'm opening to a spiritual check-up. I do know...or maybe am just comfortable admitting to...there is no way to do a spiritual check-up using our reasoning mind alone. As Alan of Lille put it, in order to understand religious truth and to know God, the wise must believe in faith.

The human-condition glitch with faith is...it is not available on demand...we must grow into it. Just as time takes time, faith takes...well, faith. 

Oh, mini flash...apparently, this is my time for building on my faith. I do have faith but, just like the air we breathe, we need more...ever and always, more.

I'm thinking the old go big or go home can be reworked to go with God or go alone. 

I choose God chooses me.

Thank you.

PRAY THANK YOU UNTIL WE MEAN IT

Psychotherapist Kathleen Dowling Singh: My prayer: 'May this space I call me be happy, well, safe, peaceful, and at ease.' There is a deeper place—closer to essential nature, less filled with ego’s thoughts—that holds the intentions and wishes. It is grace. -- Fr Richard Rohr's Daily Bulletin, November 18, 2023

This unsettled, slightly ailing, feeling I have had for a week now...I have made my cardiologist visit and got cleared; I made my G.P.'s office and got prescriptions for the uncontrollable cough...with a general feeling from him of ho-hum, nothing to see here, keep on moving.

I have not felt ill as such...I wonder if my being 80+ did my thinking for me...ah, and is doing both P.A.s' thinking, too? 

This morning a mini-BFO occurred...is this me being raised in consciousness? Shedding the old, growing into the new waiting within to be donned? 

I need to rest in the fact that the Christ is ever doing for me, for my benefit...to pray for the Christ to do for me is an act of self, not faith. 

We pray thank you until we mean it.

There is always the possibility that this is my material life drawing down...Thy will, Thy way, please and thank you.

Thank you.

RESIST NOT...LOVE YOUR ENEMIES...PEACE

The art of being human is in uniting fruitful activity [broom/dustpan] with a contemplative stance [thank you prayer]—not one or the other, but always both at the same time. The holding of this tension is the very shape of wisdom. -- Fr Richard's Daily Meditation, November 17, 2023

According to me, our current mindset...of hate, war, death, destruction...is the fertilizer being used today to unconsciously grow our only need...love. Or, to learn the true meaning of love... underneath the feel-good, to where to suffer for a change into higher consciousness is of God. 

Maybe we need a revamp of the word love. I'm drawn to Brother Lawrence, a devout 17th-century monk who worked in the kitchen at his monastery and found God in everything. It is said of him that he always governed himself by love without interest. 

There it is...to live by love without interest...can there be a higher...or deeper...aim than that? 

According to me, we need an authentic change of the current world mindset, which seems to be to resist...to resist, specifically with anger. That change can only come from and through a Power greater than our self...greater than human thinking, even at the genius level for that is still an either/or mind. 

To accept that love your enemies is the open secret to a life of peace and purpose...a spiritual life. Our reasoning mind resists that outright...our spiritual mind exults.

Thank you. 

ON BEING YOURSELF...WARTS, AWARDS AND ALL

 I am hesitant to admit it, but I'm not having any more of the "be your authentic self." It sounds righteous, but down deep inside, I don't even know what that means...on its face, yeah, but underneath it all? 

I be who I am, I say what I believe, I try to keep others' feelings before my own. When conversation gets deeper...God, country, Trump...I soft-pedal my truth. I move on when the other party is looking to "debate" which actually means to "argue."

There are many "sounds good" sayings...when said the first time, they were gold, but repeated endlessly, they just get bleated and deleted. 

For instance, "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." Excellent advice. But if we don't take it to heart the first couple of times we hear and/or say it, it becomes a conversation filler...or stopper, depending on our intention.

My life-changers, e.g.,  resist not evil or we have ceased fighting everything and everybody, I rarely, if ever, say aloud for others to hear. Ah, but their deep inner meaning will stop me still...cause me pause again to hold to their personal truth for a moment. 

I don't get that from the 90th time I've heard or said the likes of, "Be your authentic self."  But that may just be me (or my authentic self? 😊).

Thank you.

ON DOING LOVE...GRAB A BROOM AND A DUSTPAN

I seek to be emptied of my spiritual shoulds...my idea of what a Christ connection should feel like...what I should be doing to prove my connection...what any spiritual connection should feel like.

I note that crash-and-burn was my original path to God, so my nemesis now may be my path to acceptance...feeling unloved, unneeded, unwanted and unappreciated may be my home base. If that be so, I can begin now to welcome those feelings. They, too, need to be loved.

"Beginning now" is my decision...pulling it off, i.e., loving the unloved, etc., will prove Thy will, not mine, is the key. 

With that decision, God's will, God's way has taken on a deeper commitment...daily I must recommit by doing love for the unloved, for the unwanted, for the unappreciated. 

Before I get too esoteric, I'd best get honest with my own self...doing love is pretty much make the bed, pick up around the home, call an ailing friend, offer to make their bed, pick up around their house. Oh. That has a ring of truth that needs some love itself.    

It seldom fails...we get some high-flown ideas of proving God in our life...I know! I'll save the babies in Gaza...and God gives us a broom and a dustpan. 

God is so good to us. 

Thank you.

FINDING OUR COMFORT WITHIN

It is only by a foundational trust in the midst of suffering, some ability to bear darkness and uncertainty, and learning to be comfortable with paradox and mystery, that you move from the first half of life to the second half. -- Fr Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, June 13, 2016

That I stumbled onto the above quote this morning is continuing proof of God doing my thing through me. My experience yesterday at the new offices and parking building of my cardiologist tells my tale.  

Back story: I took myself to my cardiologist yesterday...to his new office in a new building with a new parking space in a new nine (or more)-story building. Needing to visit my cardiologist was not my concern...plus, finding my way into and around all the "new" was not the concern I expected it to be. 

The office building, the parking building, all the newbies are spectacular...all high-tech...higher tech than one can imagine. Example: A young man, 40-ish, asked me for directions. We hooted and hollered and had a good time with that.

Looking back, it is the interchange with other people that made it a pure gift from God. We were all fairly free in asking for and giving help. It was a joy to experience either the friendly commiseration that we hadn't broken the code yet either, or the shy pride that we had and wanted to share it...it was wonderful.

All of this is by way of saying that we can recognize our foundational trust in the midst of suffering, some ability to bear darkness and uncertainty. 

Giving our self permission to realize the drama of our little lives is of God. Face it, darkness and uncertainty visit whenever they want to. We build a foundational trust when they visit, and we don't try to change them, stop them or top them. We say our thank you, knowing God has already perfected this for our benefit. Also known as learn to be comfortable with paradox and mystery. 

There...we move from the first half of life to the second half.

God loves us so much!

Thank you.

HOPE IS OUR SPIRITUAL LIFELINE

Aging can be either a life of nostalgia or a wholehearted engagement with the future. It is a disruptive process as things break down, friends and pets die, houses are sold, and memories of the past haunt the present. Months melt into years, and we find ourselves in the flow of life. -- Franciscan Sister Ilia Delio, Fr Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation, November 13, 2023

That closely describes me today. What is delicious is the first sentence in the quote: Aging can be either a life of nostalgia or a wholehearted engagement with the future. 

I opted immediately for the wholehearted engagement with the future, and realized my flow of life today is...uh-oh. I have symptoms that fear has diagnosed as cancer (my uncontrollable cough) and heart (phlegm, a danger sign). 

I go to the cardio this morning...to a new building and new parking lot. So of course I am feeling trepidatious about the new building, the new parking lot, and the need to make a decision...should I take Lyft? or dare the new? 

My realization is that my trepidation is my wholehearted engagement with the future...this is me at 80+ and how I meet the new facts and acts of my life. 

Finding the gold in the dross: I am welcoming hope as my spiritual lifeline. I hope that I believe more wholly, trust more deeply, and accept that I have only begun to let go and let God.

Thank you.

ON FINDING OUR SELF IN GOD

The lesson in learning to pray thank you and that is all, is it does not keep any dreaded thing from happening...it brings a sort of peaceful "apprehension," and that becomes our peace. Almost our "Why worry? Be happy!" 

It is peace of mind, of finding our self in God, that keeps us from retrenching and reasserting our correctness as Fr Richard so aptly put it.

The pearl in my life has been the discovery that the dreaded thing du jour, given to God by our thank you, can in time transmute into peace...and that does indeed pass understanding.

I think of a few of the things that I am now at peace with that I once prayed so earnestly for God to remove from me...and how they are the building blocks that changed...are changing...me.

Fear has been the base for my change of mind, thus life.  My blinding flash that nothing turns me to God faster than fear changed my mind about fear. It did not remove fear but I no longer obsessively try to pray it away. 

Pray thank you and feel the grace of gratitude...change your mind, change your life.

Thank you. 

A LITTLE HAND MIRROR, II

[The following is a reprint of my post of November 21, 2012.]

So I'm talking with God this morning, and he says, "I'll tell you what you need...you need a little hand mirror to carry with you at all times. That way you'll always be able to see immediately and exactly who and what your problem is."

That was such a good idea that I immediately thought of all the people I needed to give a little hand mirror to....

Thank you.

SEEK YE FIRST....AGAIN

[The following is a slightly reworked reprint of my post of  November 8, 2015.]

The only block there can be in your channel is self. Keep that out, and know that My Spirit is flowing through. -- "God Calling," November 7

I dreamed I stumbled into King Tut's undiscovered tomb. The riches there were staggering...diamonds and emeralds and sapphires and gold...everything, everywhere. There were rarities I didn't even recognize. I understood that they had been sitting there for centuries upon centuries waiting to be discovered.

A silent voice came to me in my dream, saying, "This is how it is with the Father's treasure within you. Riches beyond your imagining just waiting to be freed. The only block is your constant digging to get to the treasure yet calling it a search for God. God is not hidden...it is your refusal to believe that he is free within you now that blinds you. Accept that...lose any thought for the gifts that will bring and be free."

Our belief that it is ours to find the Father within will ever block us...in the first place, we are relying on our own self, and in the second, we're usually going for the treasure and calling it peace of mind.

We go to God for God and that is all.

Thank you.

GOD, EINSTEIN, US...A CIRCLE OF COMPASSION

A human being is part of the whole, called by us 'universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. -- Albert Einstein

I've read that in my Easwaran daily every November 9 since 1996...with my underlinings and highlights as proof...yet just today it bloomed as mine. Here, the fruit of the bloom: Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison...this kind of optical delusion of consciousness.

Yes! For this I have yearned...I have sought...I seek yet...to be free from this prison of delusion.

To me, this is what the November 5 Daily Meditation of Fr Richard was about: Unless and until we understand the concept of God’s unmerited favor, God’s unaccountable love, we will stay stuck in the material mind....It is, without a doubt, the key and the code to everything transformative for a raised consciousness...from the material to the spiritual.

Clearly, this is neither new nor news...I've been expounding just this since I began seeking still more spiritual growth...this is the nature of the spiritual growth I seek. 

In short, Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison...this kind of optical delusion of consciousness.

Oh, blinding flash aborning: What if my already knowing the truth of this is the freedom I continue to seek? What if, as I now suspect, my own idea of freedom is my optical delusion of consciousness? I do not consciously seek rainbows and roses, but not getting the equivalent self-determined objective, doubtless is my block.

The answer is the same as it was when first I wondered how to be a grown-up sober lady...as my beloved mentor said, "You act like a grown-up sober lady...God will do the rest."  

I do, and God does.

Thank you.

THE INVISIBLE UNKNOWN MOVES AS NEEDED

Jesus said to the host who had invited him, 'When you hold a lunch or dinner … invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind; and blessed indeed will you be because of their inability to repay you.' —Luke 14:12–14

I only quote the Bible when I agree with what it says...and that depends entirely on my rare ability to understand what it says.  

I do love the above verse though...there is nothing to not understand according to me. It puts into words my limited understanding of God's will, God's way...which is when what we are being given seems to be the opposite of what we're praying for...bingo! God's will, God's way.

The material mind is not built to understand that...spiritual mind has a tough enough time with it. We can see inviting those who cannot repay, but not because they cannot repay...and there it is, the point. 

Because they cannot repay, we can share repeatedly...a one-shot deal, as on a special occasion, does not even count. Their need for food is our need to feed. It is our inner Self that raises our consciousness and meets the need.     

I suspect this is where the miracle works of grace and God flow freely...feeding the thousands, etc. There is no way two loaves and a fish could feed a dozen much less thousands, but why quibble when we have so many honest and true examples in our own life...unexplainable but by grace and by God.

As Anne Lamott was quoted yesterday, The movement of grace in our lives...is the mystery. Some invisible unknown moves as needed, and we gratefully pray thank you.

Thank you.

SIT, WAIT, REALIZE...GRACE

We must each seek within to find our own spiritual answers.

God's will, God's way appearing to me may not appear to be God's will and way to another. We must each find our own spiritual truth, and then accept the unselfed changes appearing in our life are ours by grace.  

Who each of us is personally is God's precious and impersonal gift. Acceptance begins with the many unexplainable changes appearing. What appears in our life may or may not be akin to others' inner discoveries, but, having ceased fighting, we pray thank you and sit and wait on the Lord. 

We are learning the great lesson of trust...God does not play favorites. Changes appearing to our reasoning mind...for good or for ill...invariably benefit all. They are born in the inner self, the place where grace lives. 

The movement of grace in our lives toward freedom is the mystery. So we simply say 'Thanks.' Something had to open, something had to give, and I don’t have a clue how to get things to do that. But they did, or grace did.  -- the author Anne Lamott

Thank you.

ON TRUSTING THE RADICAL NATURE OF GRACE

According to Fr Richard, People who have not experienced the radical character of grace will always misinterpret the meaning and major direction of [the Father's Word].

There it is, the key to the spiritual mind...the radical character of grace. My take on that radical nature is what I all but pontificate on...the understanding that God's will, God's way is the opposite of our will, our way. 

The Word came again this morning: Whatever comes to us, comes for our good...find the good for there is God. Thank you.

That confirmed that long-ago BFO about God's will, God's way, but it also alerted me...when these oldies but goodies pop up, I might want to pay attention. Many times an adjustment so minor as to be unrealized until after the fact is passing through.

Here's my good news...I no longer hunker down with my magnifying eye examining every thought, word or deed said to or by me. I trust God. The needed adjustment could have already been made...it'll come to me when, as or if needed. 

I choose to accept the little alerts as my spiritual antenna picking up the good news...the good news that is always happening whether we know it or not.

I hope to be a tish more aware today of my inner tick-tock...it is not necessary, just an exercise in focusing my mind. 

Whatever comes to us, comes for our good...find the good for there is God.

Thank you.

MY SHAME...GRACED WILDFLOWERS

My thought-prayer last night as I drifted into sleep: 

I say 'I am so ashamed '... that shame is lifted by grace, torn and tattered into tiny pieces to fall to earth and bloom as wildflowers. Thank You.

Thank you.

TWO WAYS TO SEE ONE THING, II

[The following is a reprint of my post of December 24, 2016.]

I just read an old note I wrote in my God Calling, and it thrilled me to my toes. All I had written was, Yesterday, I gave over to John in a very small but ego-denying way. Thank you.

I made note of it because I had just started the big turn from thinking any giving over was proof I was gutless and would never be able to stand up for myself, take my own part, know and show that I'm just as good as anyone...the poor-pitiful-put-upon-me list drags on.

I'm glad I date my notes and that I made note of this because, in truth, it isn't all that old. In my mind, I've been doing this for a long, long time..."this" being giving over. And there it is...that is my ah-ha. I've given over for a long, long time, only I've just begun to realize it as God's better way and not ego's wimp-out.

This is proof again that there are two ways of looking at every one thing...through our ego's eyes and whine or through God's eyes and bask in sunshine.

Thank you.

PRAY THANK YOU...THEN LOVE AND LAUGH

We pray for the crooked places of life to be straightened, the rocks and rivers to be smoothed and quieted. Then we recall Meister Eckhart's If the only prayer you ever pray in your life is thank you, that would suffice, and our crooked road du jour is met with our heart's thank you, and we breathe a tish more freely.

God is everywhere, but he seems more present when we feel the need...in the rough and tumble of life when we fearfully call for him. Again, we realize his presence is our gift and remember his always presence as our duty.   

I have pondered that and to me, the obvious question is: How could he be of help to one who knows no problems, no fear, no strain? Frankly, I doubt there is such a sentient person. God is present, it is the one who is closed to his presence that receives him not. 

Ah, that person is me, is thee, is each of us at any given time when fear comes riding herd, and, in that unending instant, we're feeling unloved, unwanted, unneeded and unappreciated...all alone. 

Yet, here comes our miracle...nothing brings God into our consciousness faster than fear. We know this to be true for our first incoherent thought is Help! Followed by whatever words pour forth but all of them seeking solace, comfort, aid...help, in a word, from an invisible Source. 

We become peaced...we are not relieved of our "problem," but we are no longer paralyzed with the fear of it. That is the gift of crash and burn, that which we go to great lengths to avoid is just another gift of God. 

Again and again and again...we pray thank you then love and laugh.

Thank you.

ON SOLVING A SPIRITUAL QUANDARY

Mother Teresa has said that the task is not to do big things but to “do small things with great love.” We invite you to scan your nation, our planet, and the natural world and ask where is there suffering, especially innocent suffering, that you might respond to with love. -- Fr Richard's Daily Bulletin, date unnoted.

That is a big invite...to scan our natural world to find innocent suffering that we might respond with love. 

My thoughts skipped a worldwide search and went to my small world...to a fairly minor error in judgment I made recently that may or may not have bruised the sensibilities of a dear acquaintance. 

My quandary is whether to bring the error to the other's attention and learn they had not even noticed it (and now....), or to not bring it up and learn they are growing a resentment because of it. 

The spiritual quandary is how to solve this so that each party comes out the winner. 

Maybe "the winner" is the sharing of warm feelings through the realization that God's will, God's way ever proves no error made, just an opportunity to love given and grown.

My definition of "winner" -- all parties feel the presence of God in the midst of a quandary and love and laugh. 

Thank you.

TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE...JOY!

Life with Me is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties....Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of My will when it seems not joyous. -- God Calling, January 8

Almost everything I have read this morning has mentioned joy. What a sweet way to begin a life change...a new month, a seasonal weather change...joy! (Especially for the likes of me, a spring/summer lover...joy in learning to love.) 

God Calling, my first read of a morning, leads today with Joy is the messenger, dear Lord, that bears our prayers to Thee. Immediately on reading that, the thought flashed that same Joy bears happy nonresistance back to me.

There...my just-realized definition of joy...happy nonresistance. Happy nonresistance fits all...in the face of a boon, in the face of a bane, happy nonresistance, or joy!

I suspect I've considered joy to be a feeling only of exuberance, of happy bursting at its seams. This morning I can accept that as true, too, on occasion, but it is possible...preferable...to live joy in happy nonresistance to life itself.

All of this shows the way of the above God Calling quote of January 8: Joy is the result of faithful trusting acceptance of My will when it seems not joyous.

One difference between the material mind and the spiritual mind...materially, we usually think of joy as akin to a personal goodie bag, while spiritually we accept joy as the way of life. No matter what is occurring before our eyes, it is God's will, God's way and, therefore, for our benefit...joy!

Thank you.